Do you have £500,000 to invest?

It is now well over a century since intelligent marketers started measuring the results of their ads by keying them.

Even before that some were building databases on card index systems; I often show an example in my seminars that dates back 140 years

It is coming up to fifty years since firms started using the computer to store and extract relevant information about people thousands of times faster and more cheaply.

So how come this was sent out to someone who certainly doesn’t have £500,000 lying around:

Subject: Good news for cahoot savers

Dear Mr Bruce,

We are delighted to tell you that the rate on your cahoot standard savings account is increasing!

On your savings account ending XXXX XXXX, your rate will increase to 6.45% AER* on balances of £500,000 or more. So why not take advantage of this boost to your savings rate by transferring some funds into your cahoot savings account.

If you want to add some money into your account to take advantage of these increased rates then please contact your bank and set up a standing order for regular saving or ask them to send money across electronically via BACS. You will need to give your bank your cahoot account number and savings sort code which is 09-06-43. You’ll find your full account number on your personal homepage when you log in. For security we have not included your full account number in this email.

Remember with your cahoot savings account you get easy access to your money and unlike some other banks we do not penalise you for taking money out of your account.

If you have any questions about these changes to your interest rate, or any queries about your account then please give us a call on 0844 9000 900**. We are available 8am to 8pm Monday to Friday and 10am to 6pm Saturday. If you prefer, please email us through ‘contact us’ from your personal homepage as messages sent from here will be responded to as a priority.

Thank you for saving with cahoot.

Yours sincerely

Harvey Griffith
Head of Customer Contact

Yes, friends, the Dark Ages of marketing are still with us.

Key things to make a note of for people who haven’t caught up with the 20th century, let alone the 21st, are: profiling; relevance; learning the basics; and try copy that reads like it’s from a human.

How do these people survive?