Obscurity, jargon and polysyllabic waffle do not impress. They just irritate, confuse and mystify
As you may know somebody discovered a while ago that the thing people find most irritating in business is jargon.
Some sufferers, they say, play Bullshit Bingo in meetings, competing to see how many stupid phrases they can check off.
If you wish to impress Chief Jargon Officers you will find help here: http://www.plainenglish.co.uk/examples/gobbledygook-generator.html, or if you like cartoons, try http://www.atrixnet.com/bs-generator.html
At my last Bristol copy seminar I used the following immortally stupid email to demonstrate what happens. I defy you to tell me what the hell these people are selling. Even when they list them at the end – which no busy person would reach – it is not that clear.
And it is certainly not clear what they do better than other people – one of the chief purposes of copy, so clearly ignored in the asinine Acer ad I showed yesterday.
Here we go:
We blend our client’s knowledge and experience with our capacity and methodologies to maximize service efficiency and quality. Our commitment to customer service excellence and a passion for superior quality of service has redefined customer experience with a unique service delivery model that leverages the best of management expertise. By fully understanding each client’s challenges and objectives we ensure that our solutions match their expectations and deliver real benefits to them and their customers.
Are you wondering what those benefits might be? You are about to be disappointed
Benefits of working with us
Applying new ideas
Delivering Flexible Services with cost certainty
Flexible, efficient service agreements and delivery models
Introducing business process reengineering and organizational structures
Implementing new systems and technologies
Transferring risk and regulatory or statutory responsibilities
We use resources to maintain continuity of service during the change process.
We develop effective programs to optimize the delivery of great experiences for your customers.
By now your eyebrows have shot up to your hairline in disbelief. Will they never reveal what’s in it for you? Well, sort of. Keep going.
Specialties
Multilingual Services – We provide translation services in over 100 languages. Website and SEO, Translating content, Social Media
Lead Generation – We provide the only guaranteed results based Lead Generation Service. Social Media, Networking, Appointment Setting
Document Management – We specialize in end to end Record Management Solutions that result in rapid return on investment providing technology and Sustainability. Archive Management, Sustainability Training and Cloud Storage
Are they any good at these things? Who knows?
By the way, on the matter of the militarisation of marketing can you imagine any sane person when asked what they do at a party replying “I’m a Chief Creative Officer”?
Advertising? You just couldn’t make this shit up.
Isn’t the word “gobbledygook” just fabulous?!
This post reminds me of some of the BS I’m dealing with in my current role with the Institute of Company Directors. Their standard communications make my eyes glaze over within about the first three words. I seem to be fighting a losing battle for simplicity, clarity and some “what’s in it for me” in my discussions with the Gen Y marketing geniuses at head offfice. I’m sure they regard me as that difficult old bat in the regional office.
In my view, company directors are some of the busiest people on the planet, so let’s make it quick and easy to understand!
You’re idealistic or born in the North West of England. Jargon is a mere symptom of a terrible infectious cant that’s enveloping the world like a grandiose BMW-driving octopus, polluting the thought of students the world over. Dirty squid ink has tricked into job descriptions, government policy documents and anybody who has to work in the media for a living. If you can’t say daft things with a straight-face like: ‘I am a self-motivated, ambitious and target-driven person who gives 100% in all I do’ or ‘I am friendly, approachable and dedicated to going the extra mile to provide unrivalled customer service to everyone I do business with’ you get nowhere. It’s like Invasion of The Body Snatchers out there. Anyway, phew. Excuse me, Donald Sutherland is knocking at my front door.
I was born in Liverpool
Did you really dance at the Cavern Club before the Beatles were discovered.
Yes indeed. It was 1959, in my first job as a copywriter. I worked for an agency in Liverpool called S.C. Peacock. Used to go there at lunchtimes. The Cavern you see now is not the real thing: the original was next door and much smaller. What’s more my son Nick has played in the “new” one.
Speaking of the Beatles [I’m an old guy]. Being new to your writings I have noticed that not only are you sharp of wit, but also sharp of tongue. Refreshing. Somewhat like John Lennon. Tell me Drayton, is this a Liverpudlian thing.
Maybe it’s because I was born in Liverpool!
I bet you were/still are a good dancer!!!
Ha ha! Oddly enough, yes. I was actually leapinmg about like a gazelle on crack at my eldest grandaughter’s 21st last week.
[…] of Jargon so these are worth reviewing. This quick read from GMA contributor Drayton Bird makes the jargon in copywriting point […]