Small but vexing mysteries of the universe: where did this person go to school? And what, if anything, did he learn?
Here I am sitting in the Algarve about to relax, then I get one of those emails. You know the kind.
Try as I might I cannot prevent people running stupid ads, which annoy me.
But perhaps the moronic emails annoy me even more. This is typical, from some idiot who has decided I am a customer.
Hi Dear valuable Customer,
I took a look at your product I think its great. Anyways I am an expert in doing internet marketing product launches or internet marketing product style promotions. What I am looking for is Marketing partners, so you can help me go out there and sell my product. I am launching this product. Its a compilation of 10 or more products and if you throw your product into the mix, or literally have free or older products to give to me, then you will have massive advertising your product. Also I am able to connect you to people in my industry who have many products. The other thing I can do for you is to give you the buyers lists plus if you give me your product, I can give you 50 % recurring commissions. And if you send a few emails to your list for my product it can result in 1000’s of dollars for you in commissions. Plus once you have send a few emails to your list , I am going to do the same for your product, because when it is all said and done, I will have a huge list. All you have to do is mail to your list. I can return the favor for your product. I have a pretty big list of customers and friends. So please let me know and we can usually bring in sales in 48 hrs?
Will Fazel
What in the name of Jehoshaphat was that all about?
My guess:
He doesn’t have a list to promote his products.
He wants to use yours.
He gets each person to promote a bundle of products, everyone is promoting to their own list, some sales may be generated and so it looks like he has a big list.
Quite so. But even in a crowded field of illiterates, he stands out like a giant turd.
Dear Drayton,
My humble opinion is that you have received a very clever piece of junk mail. Miracles happen when they send out these in bulk: normal people get annoyed but not so bright persons write back. And in the end, after some smooth turns, end up losing their money.
You’re right, Julia. I guess larcenous idiots reach out to gullible idiots, as like reaches out to like. Sad.
Uhm… well it’s about er… nope, I give up. That’s far too much work, trying to figure out the offer there.
I’ll stick to the $30m+ of promises, in my spam folder, from terminally ill widows and munificent foreign government workers, to transfer unexpected windfalls into my bank account, just as soon as I send them all the details.
A year ago I had an angel as a client. Well, really, the woman who claimed to channel him. But to my warped sense of humor, it sounds funnier to have the angel as the bad client than your run-of-the-mill pushy diva wannabe.
And I mean pushy … Once, three phone calls in five minutes, as I was trying to gulp down some lunch, 15 minutes before a video shoot.
But that’s not relevant.
What’s relevant is that the angel blogged, sorta. It fell to me to mark up his wisdom in HTML.
Here was this font of wisdom, explaining the meaning of life and the source of health and healing, and how readers could have anything and everything in great abundance.
Except, apparently, commas.
Guess they don’t have those in his galaxy, because there sure weren’t any in those posts.
So, if you’re taking advice from angels, note that the universe apparently can offer anything you truly open your heart to. But the commas still come from editors.
😉
I should have replied to this before, just to say “hilarious”!
人気新品通販
I love that he is “an expert in doing internet marketing product launches or internet marketing product style promotions”
…without being able to communicate!
Nevertheless, such an email is a welcome change from the many SEO “experts” who guarantee loads of spammy backlinks to ensure your site gets deindexed asap