Amazing new drivel-centric service! Marketing basics for the lost and clueless

A two minute lesson from HubSpot on to how not to write to businesses

People often ask me – and have for decades – whether you should write to business people differently to the way you write to “consumers”.

The word “consumer” implies we are placed on this earth to do nothing but eat up its resources. This is so depressingly close to what we are doing that I hate the word.

I think we are all just people, and my reply to this question has always been simple: Do you grow a second head on the way to work?

You should talk in pretty much the same way to people at work as at home. And you are wise to do so because oceans of research show that normal people loathe and detest the ghastly guff that passes for business communication – and those who use it.

Which brings me to the fact that today my in-box was soiled by an email from something called HubSpot.

It is useful, if for no other reason than the fact that the writer managed to pack a notably large quotient of business tripe into a relatively small space.

Here is what was sent, headed How Drayton Bird Associates Can Generate Leads for Its Clients.

I will say nothing about the moronic graphic, and merely note in passing the sloppy literal “get found” on the first line.

But if you have two minutes to spare, why not mark in yellow all the words and phrases you hate, such as “core services” which the semi-literate writer manages to get in three times?

I did not actually download the e-book offered as I feared it might induce incandescent rage and a desire to kill someone.

It’s all a shame, really, because I guess there are some sad souls out there who know nothing about how to get leads. But putting them to sleep won’t help.

If by any chance you know someone who doesn’t know how to write or would like to write better, I recommend www.askdrayton.com

Quite by chance yesterday it covered the very subject I have just been discussing, with good advice from one of the very best writers of the last hundred years.