How to become a famous marketer

Once again Melbourne’s very own Ryan Wallman spots the phonies

I’ve run one of Ryan’s pieces before. The man is good. Here’s another rib-tickler:

How to become a famous marketer

First, choose a successful form of marketing that has been tried and tested over many decades.

Declare this form of marketing to be dead.

Justify this declaration on the basis that modern consumers are   infinitely more intelligent than all who have come before them, and are therefore immune to traditional marketing. Do not feel obliged to support this assertion with any evidence.

Announce to the world that you have created a new form of marketing (or rather, a ‘novel marketing paradigm’). This can be either:

the polar opposite of the one you have declared to be dead, or

exactly the same as the one you have declared to be dead, but with a different name.

Give your new creation a catchy title that reflects the modern marketing zeitgeist. For the sake of argument, let’s call it ‘Sewer Marketing’.

Publish a book called Sewer Marketing.

Do a tour to promote yourself… er, your book.

Bask in the effusive praise of gullible people.

About the Author


<p>In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.</p>
<p>He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.</p>
<p>Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.</p>
<p>He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.</p>


  1. David Prince

    Brilliant. See also ‘content marketing’ (as if marketing lacked content before), ‘inbound marketing’ (as if it didn’t attract and draw people in before) and ‘user experience design’ (as if marketers didn’t care about their customers’ experiences).

  2. Thanks Drayton.
    Lets see how that works for me!

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