No shit, Sherlock

I’ll explain what that pic is doing there in a minute.

But first, the crap they write in the papers never ceases to delight and amaze.

The Times, which under Ruthless Rupe has probably done more to debase the standards of what was once serious journalism than any other British newspaper is always good for a giggle

“Northern Ireland has ‘culture of intolerance'” says a headline in The Times online.

Well, who’d have thought it? They’ve been enthusiastically shooting, kneecapping, and blowing each other up ever since Elizabethan times. At least one of their Ministers is either a murderer or an enthusiastic accessory to murder – and silly old me thought they were a peace-loving folk.

Incidentally, the Irish restaurateur Peter Langan with whom I used to drink in the ’70’s once told me the solution to the Ulster problem was to saw the whole province off the rest of Ireland, tow it out into the North Sea and turn it upside down. I thought this was a Langan original, but the other day I learned that it originated with the poet Tennyson,

Back to the papers, though.

The fashion articles are always good for a hoot. This morning in the Sunday Times online with the picture I just showed, and a dateline that reads for some reason “September 9th” there’s a fun piece about thigh-length boots. It’s a grand melange of hogwash and hypocrisy.

“Tamara Mellon of Jimmy Choo believes that in today’s shoe climate, thigh boots make sense. “It was the right time for a fantastic over-the-knee boot. Ours is called Heaven. I think that says it all. They make women feel strong, confident and sexy. They also elongate the legs,” she says.

Indeed, thigh boots are flattering. They create a seamless, streamlined silhouette. They also make shorter skirts wearable for women who have great legs but not great knees (otherwise known as the Demi Moore syndrome), are a good cover-up for the tights-phobic, and add a sexy, modern edge to simple clothes. Mellon suggests wearing them over tight trousers: “They should be the focal point.”

Did you know there was a shoe climate, readers?

Anyhow, as all normal men know, forget that stuff about being tights-phobic: the great thing about these boots is they make you want to fuck women who wear them. And while I’m on about things that mywtfwwwt, I thank the good Lord that three times in my lifetime there’s been a rage for stiletto heels.

They have brought me infinite pleasure mingled nowadays with a fair dose of nostalgia, but never before have they been so high, and combined so delightfully with short skirts.

Do I hear you ask if I’m a dirty old man? Abso-bloody-lutely.