I’m sorry, I haven’t a clue – but I’m not alone


The other day I commented on what I consider two dumb, pretentious slogans: “I am Mercedes” – and “We are Santander.”


They remind me of one of Noel Coward’s very best lines. He was sitting in the Ivy with friends when the ludicrous actor Chuck Norris came up to his table, saying, “Hi, Mr. Coward, I’m Chuck Norris.”

“Of course you are, dear boy,” Noel replied, and carried on with his conversation.

Anyhow, just to show that stupid ideas span the generations I put up the picture of the same crappy idea as carried out in the’70’s. Actually, it is a better execution, since the face of any Airline is the cabin staff.

But I digress – before I have even got started on what I planned to write about, which is Andrew Anderson, who you may recall I wrote about a while ago.

Andrew said he is going to prove that Twitter really does the business – at least I think he did, because like a lot of other people I haven’t a clue. He send me regular messages about what he’s doing, and I can see stuff happening twitter-wise – but I still haven’t a clue.

So let me tell you my dream.

I want to make Twitter and stuff like that as easy to understand as I can, which is what I tried to do 28 years ago with the first (blessedly short) edition of Commonsense Direct Marketing.

I want to show how these media help do the only three things you have to do to succeed in marketing.

1. Get new customers.

2. Get them to spend more.

3. Get them to stay longer.

I often say my secret weapon is stupidity. If I can understand it, I can explain it – and everyone – even idiots like me – will understand.

That is Andrew’s challenge.
“Show me” – as they say in Missouri.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

3 Comments

  1. paul

    Hi Drayton, but do you like the TV ad for 'I am Mercedes'? (I've a feeling you won't).

    Reply
  2. draytonbird

    I think it is beautifully produced, well over the top – and I actually suspect it may appeal to people who aspire to the car. It's the line that seems ludicrous to me.

    Reply
  3. Hugh Thyer

    Some of the ad agencies producing this drivel need someone to get them into a meeting room and throw Commonsense Direct Marketing at their heads. Oh, and Breakthrough Advertising as well.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *