Christmas is a good time to think about what we believe in. It’s about 700 years since our lot went charging over to save Jerusalem from the Muslims, but the basic concept hasn’t changed much – just the cast of …
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When it absolutely, positively has to be there don’t call DHL – Oh, and is Italy in Europe?
I wouldn’t say I hate Christmas, but I do hate the way it has turned into a giant retail romp. Talking of which, my beloved, who (unlike me) loves buying presents, found a lovely winter coat for her sister at …
Read MoreWell, I just got rebuked! Nevertheless … but let’s see what you think
Here’s a message I got from a reader, Victor Lamont, two days ago. At the end I will comment. “Dear Mr Bird, I have just returned from Cancun. It is the second climate conference I have attended. I went (contributing …
Read MoreThis made me laugh
Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question was: “Please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a massive failure because: 1. In …
Read MoreCall this modern art, you limp dicks? You’re years behind the times
The Tate Modern is decades behind the times, dithering weakly as they skirt the shores of true modernity. It is time they dived in. My dismay is provoked by learning that the top prize – The Turner – at the …
Read MoreWill anyone ever do anything to stop these obscene, wasteful, pointless jamborees
What they say versus what happens: “Delegates from 190 nations reach a deal to curb climate change, including a fund to help developing countries, at UN talks in Cancun.” What happened: hordes of hypocritical parasites who don’t pay income tax …
Read MoreCould the people at Talk-Talk, BT, Sky, Ofcom and so on find their own arseholes without a flashlight? Or what happens if you’re not Lord Sugar
If you go here you can see how hard it is to get the Telewankers to act even if you’re famous. http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/article-23904769-the-day-lord-sugar-wanted-to-say-youre-fired-to-bt-call-centre-staff.do. The mighty Sugar got things fixed in a day – but he only had to deal with one …
Read MoreHow NOT to sell carpets – plus advice from a great writer
The carpets in our flat which were there when we arrived are beginning to look as tired as I feel after a night on the booze, so the great search has begun. At one point it looked like it might …
Read MoreAbout all those free drinks I mentioned … and the secret life of Adam Hargreaves
Let me ask you: do you love the English countryside? The winter landscape on the right for example. Do you, like me, prefer it to what I saw in the Saatchi Gallery last year – a pile of old clothes …
Read MoreThe toughest copy job, assorted follies – and two offers: one bound to interest you
I don’t know if familiarity breeds contempt, but when it comes to writing I find it breeds inertia. It’s that same old, same old feeling. I am usually pretty quick when it comes to pouring out the purple prose. But …
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