My father sometimes used this phrase when feeling a trifle heated about one thing or another – which was pretty often, starting with the choice of tunes on the Light Service, which is what they called radio 1 in medieval …
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A true Chihuahua story – specially for Aussies
Did you know Chihuahuas were used to kill snakes? I found out the hard way Just over 21 years ago I was on my way to make a speech at a posh club in Melbourne. It was a blazing hot …
Read MoreMy secret bodybuilding past
Well, I never knew so many people were so seriously fed up with gyms. This confirmed my maxim: “Nothing fails like success” (© Drayton Bird) – which I find applies to most industries and people. Before enlarging on that, I …
Read MoreMore sweaty armpits and addled brains
I am really thinking there is a market for books about the topsy-turvy world of gyms. Last week my partner and her sister went to one called KX which was wonderful. It is an absolute snip at £300 a month …
Read MoreWhy LA Fitness is unfit, some thanks – and a few other reflections
Dr. Johnson, as you know if you read this, is perhaps my favourite person to crib from, though he made quite a few pretty sweeping and highly dubious statements. One of his best lines came when he was asked to …
Read MoreThe rumours are a damned lie, Sir!
Not long ago a friend asked me why I keep referring to “my partner”. “Some people might think you’re gay,” he said. To be honest, I don’t give a hoot what people think, and at my age you have to …
Read MoreCountries get the rulers they deserve – and vice versa
There is an old joke which, like all jokes, only works if delivered with a straight face and solemnity: “To be born an Englishman is to win first prize in the race of life.” Anyhow, I know many of you …
Read MoreJust when you thought it was safe to come out …
You have too much crap to read already, right? So when you didn’t see a word from me, you sighed with relief. But with one bound, I’m back. From Cuba, actually Two of my partners and I went to do …
Read MoreA little musical interlude
People in my trade – direct marketing – know two infallible ways to get people’s attention: first, appeal to their greed, and second, flatter them. Doesn’t that say a lot about human nature? Sad but true. If you also say …
Read MoreBe fair to the plods!!
My partner read what I wrote earlier – and made a good point. “The police don’t bother because what’s the point of arresting the dealers? They get let out anyhow. It’s not like they’re going to jail. They’ll be out …
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