I found this in a magnificent book of old Punch Cartoons given to me by my ex-wife and friend Pam. The book has convinced me that few things wear as badly as yesterday’s jokes. But it does contain an enormous …
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Three charity lessons from Scrooge Bird before the New Year begins
An hour ago I was stopped outside Heals on the King’s Road by a guy collecting for the Painted Children Charity. “Sorry,” I said, “I’ve already given. You lot are everywhere.” This is true – they’ve been doing an amazing …
Read MoreThe Great Elmer Gantry tradition lives on
Many of us, I am sure, have heard the story about the founder of Scientology. Half jokingly perhaps, he said at a meeting of fellow science fiction writers over half a century ago that if you want to make real …
Read MoreThe unexpected joys of Spam … now that’s what I call a pair of kneecaps
I think I mentioned the other day that Steve, who arranges these matters for me, has reset our thing-a-me-bob machine to allow a deluge of spam to come flooding in. This makes life pretty tedious, but there are small compensations …
Read MoreThe new black market: don’t get caught holding the sardines
After the second world war, when I was already middle aged, ha! there was a joke going round about a crate of sardines. One of the boys on the black market liberated them off the back of a lorry, and …
Read MoreIs there a greater curse than fanatical religion? I sometimes wonder
The greatest pain for me in the last few days has been a plague of spam. Recently a few people have had their messages to me bounce, so one theory was that this was caused by the Spam filter, which …
Read MoreA little bouquet of Christmas Nightmares
You don’t need to tell me Christmas can be stressful. 39 years ago the lady I was then with sat on the banister outside our flat in Harley Street on Christmas morning and threatened to jump if I didn’t marry …
Read MoreBBC Apparatchiks
Here’s an abbreviated list of known Labour supporters and the positions they’ve occupied at the BBC since the early 90’s and the perfect excuse not to pay the licence fee which in effect is a donation to Labour. Chairman Gavin …
Read MoreIn case you didn’t get my “I love London” Christmas card … plus one that made me laugh
I sent this to a few thousand people, but if you didn’t get it, here it is. There’s music, so turn up the volume. Xmas Cheer here Here’s one I like from Neil Heywood in New Jersey Early Dismissal Christmas …
Read MorePolitically correct idiocy at Heathrow – plus the usual Alitalia bollocks
Well, at 4:30 this morning the love of my life went off to Italy, having parted with an arm and a leg to fly Alitalia, who have the rare distinction of being the worst airline in Europe with among the …
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