Ever wondered just how very, very clever you are?


Me too.

And now I know, because last Sunday, just before I set out on a quick whiz to dio soine talks in Slovenia and the Czech Republic, my partner and her sister decided to subject me to an intelligence test.

It was one of those online things where you have a certain number of seconds to answer questions involving multiple choice. The sort of thing ten year olds (and Italian women, it seems) do in their sleep.

I took it and it did no good to my self-confidence at all. It turns out that I am about as stupid as you can get. I have the intelligence of a cat.

I suspect that is abiout as thick as you can be – though maybe they have lower categories for goldfish or centipedes.

My partner, conversely, got just about the highest marks you can get. She is as intelligent as a space man, apparently.

All this goes to show that I have been right all these years in claiming that my secret weapon as a marketer is innate stupidity.

Not even the most moronic customer is thicker than me. I really understand them, believe me.

Next Sunday I’m off again to Slovenia and Croatia.

You may reasonably ask why I am going back to the same country – Slovenia – again almost immediately. Well, what can you expect from a stupid sod like me?

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

1 Comments

  1. Phillip B

    When the beast beats the Intellect.

    Dear Mr. Bird,

    Your story made me smile – as per usual. In fact, it reminded me of you interview with another gentleman – Mr. Makepeace.

    I had my own humbling experience this week – My partner and I thought we struck gold when we found a list to rent that contained ‘Ideal’ clients. The short version of it all – after spending a pile of cash – a 0.3% response…Looks like I’m re-reading your books this weekend! I clearly missed something vital…

    All the best for the upcoming trip.

    Phillip – phburmeister@gmail.com

    Reply

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