Well, who do you think is more likely to sort out the economy? Mr. Can’t Count McToad – or my candidates?

Today I read with incredulity that Loopy Brown thinks he is the man to sort out the economy. This is like putting forward Jack the Ripper to run a Home for Fallen Women.

I guess Cameron thinks he could do a better job – but I’m not impressed with him either, are you?

Happily, I have two candidates who would surely suit us better, brought to my attention by my friend Michael Rhodes, to whom all praise.

Cast your votes for a) Les, the Late Guineapig or b) Mystic Mary.

Here is a little background info from www.pickmeupmagazine.co.uk/psychics/ – a publication with about ten times more intellectual rigour than both Houses of Parliament. It is in the form of question and answer.

Is Les at peace?

Wednesday 19th August 2009

I lost my guinea pig, Les, a while ago, while he was in the vet hospital.

I miss my little man, and am desperate to know if he’s OK, and whether he forgives me for the fact that he wasn’t at home when he died.

Josephine, Crewe, Cheshire

Mystic Mary replies:

I have a message to you from Les: ‘Dear Jo, there’s nothing to forgive because you were a wonderful mum.

When it was time for me to go, I just saw a door, and beyond it was a big, green field with lots of animals in it.

Everything was peaceful and now I’ve been here a while, I know that every one of us lives together in harmony.

I’ve met a cat and a hamster who say they lived with you too, and we all agree that you’re the best.

So don’t worry any more, Jo. We’re OK.’

Who would make a better economic manager, do you think, gentle readers? Les can do no damage, being distinctly defunct.

On the other hand, Mystic Mary is even better at making up Fairy Tales than the Lying Toad. Tricky, eh?

By the way, I happened to see Boris Johnson on TV the other night. It was an Any Questions programme where they were discussing the Bliar’s wars.

There was a man called Lord Adonis on who was a total waste of space – never answered any questions, just kept on reading his party line script like a talking clock. Obviously got his title for arse-licking.

Boris J was even worse. He just kept on blathering on about what he was doing in London. Doesn’t he know that’s in England , the idiot? The programme was about Iraq and Afghanistan. What a berk.

What’s REALLY worrying is that he’s reckoned to be brighter than Cameron.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

About the Author

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