Pollution alert! The Bliar is on his way to Auckland … Reduce – Reuse – Recycle

It’s 25 years since I first had the chance to visit New Zealand.

Glorious food and wine, spectacular scenery, hospitable folk – I only wish I could go more often, but it’s so far from everywhere that I rarely do. Just about the only thing I don’t like is that for some strange reason it’s one of the most politically correct places on earth.

One of the things I love most is just how clean and unspoilt it is, blessedly shielded from many of the more noxious aspects of our world. The flip side is that sometimes they haven’t been warned about some of the great plagues of civilisation, one of which is on its way, like a malign Tsunami.

I refer to the Great Bliar, described in terms so misleading (fittingly, now I think of it) that you might derive some entertainment from it.

The message, fittingly garnished with meaningless cliché and unsullied by attention to grammar reads:

I wanted to make sure you were aware of an exciting, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to learn from one of the greats.

For the first time in New Zealand – Tony Blair will share his unique insights and experiences in leadership, negotiation and innovation. An exclusive speaking tour by one of the most engaging, respected and in-demand speakers of his generation. Former British Prime Minister (1997 – 2007), Mr Blair continues to a play a leadership role on issues such as globalisation, the Middle East peace process and climate change.

This inspirational event will take place on Thursday 28 July, 12 noon – 3pm at Eden Park, Auckland. Etc., etc.

Respected? The Bliar is just a masterly bullshitter, all fur coat and no knickers. He had a chance to do something in 1997. Instead he settled for waffle, and aided by the Great Bloated McToad set back this country a generation.

One of my great concerns is that the one person who does seem to respect him is Cameron. This bodes ill for our future.

I don’t know what he has done to forward globalisation or prevent climate change but anybody with eyes to see and ears to hear knows one thing. Despite being paid a lot of money (he’s good at that) he has done the square toot of fuck-all in Middle East, being very careful to stay from a region where people inured to mendacity recognise him for what he is.

Come to think of it, why is globalisation good? It’s one of those words politicians trot out so glibly that we don’t stop to ask what it means. As far as I can make out it means, far too often, destroying cultures that would do better undisturbed. Besides spreading MacDonalds, obesity and desperate migrants, what good is it?

My advice, Kiwis, is go sailing, or get down to Parnell and have a few schooners. You’ll learn more from the drunks at the next table than from that grasping creep.

Anyhow, the one laugh I got from the message came from the next e-mail, headed Reduce – Reuse – Recycle. My advice is: Ignore, reject and close your ears. If British voters had done that in 1997 we wouldn’t be in the mess we are now.