I have long run my life by one maxim. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst, clearly not familiar to the top brass at British Airways. Those who have been amused, entertained, delayed or horrified by the great …
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Want to know why they’re such useless tossers?
As you fight your way through the next year, spare a thought for how the chaps in charge – the government – are feeling. Then find one of them to throw bricks at. They may have got us all into …
Read MoreGod bless the Archbishop of York – and give the one in a Canterbury a good kicking
I confess that for many years I used to dismiss Christian dogma by saying that God is either all powerful or benevolent, because so many nasty things happen in the world that he can’t be both. However I do applaud …
Read MoreAt last, the ultimate meaningless title is achieved!
At the start of that rip-roaring business romp “Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing” I quote Confucius who thought the correct use of language was the most important thing to worry about if you want run things properly. “If language is …
Read MoreThe Bliar Witch project: revel in the drivel
Those of you not from these parts may be blessedly unaware of the phrase “Blair’s Babes”. However, when the Bliar first set about screwing things up here and people were so transfixed by his smarmy grin that they never noticed …
Read MoreLaughs of the Day
Because of the limitations of this medium, you probably can’t read this letter from the BBC to a job applicant, but the operative sentence reads: “You may also like to note that calling our head of human resources a skank …
Read MoreApril Fool or not?
Three marriages convinced me long ago that I am, by and large, an idiot, and I am inclined to think the logo on your arse story may be a joke. But on the other hand, as Steve Gibson points out …
Read More“Stick our logo on your bum”
Yesterday I got an e-mail from a firm called Laptops Direct headed, “Use your body to advertise our logo and get £5,000” Who could resist such an offer? Not a cheap bastard like me, so I clicked through and saw …
Read MoreThe biggest racket in the world
As with many of these ramblings, there is absolutely no point to what follows; these are just the musings of an idle mind. In Tottenham Court Road, not far from my office, there is a little Scientology office, where people …
Read MoreShould a writer be paid more than a car mechanic?
Actually, I was going to call this piece “Drayton-Bird-Wanker” because somebody who obviously knows and hates me (no small congregation) put that up on the web so that I often see it when setting out to write one of these …
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