It’s a fat lot of use being a whiz at copy or marketing if you don’t know how to meet the right people – and get them to do what you want face to face You may find this hard …
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First Great Western: the gap between ghastly experience and corporate complacency
What excites the overpaid bozos running First Great Western? Flatulent puffery. And what would excite us passengers? Seats to sit in and toilets that work There is not much wrong with the workers in this country that couldn’t be cured …
Read MoreYou could be dying – but BT morons wouldn’t give a s**t. You think I’m kidding?
Today, I reschedule a conference call – again – because of BT’s rank incompetence. And they want to sell me broadband! … But this doesn’t begin to compare with Kelly’s nightmare “My Mum was going in for her second spinal …
Read More“Oh Mr. First Great Western Porter, what shall I do?” “I don’t give a s**t, pal.”
Introducing a Smug Pig, a Happy Horse – and Monika I’ll come to the animals in a minute, but first, what time do you wake up? A couple of weeks ago I spent a night in London at the Hilton as …
Read MoreHow not to write a press release: a quick, helpful beginners’ guide kindly provided by communications experts
Start by boasting. Use lots of jargon. Have a dull 40-word first paragraph. All sure-fire ways to emasculate a powerful marketing tool In my second advertising job I was suddenly told to start a public relations division. I knew nothing …
Read MoreDo you get a lot of stuff like this? If so, how do you feel?
A laugh a minute: if you’re a “planning/buying” agency, make sure you know who you’re writing to Many people think the key to success in our business is being creative. It is not. It is being relevant. A dull message …
Read MoreHow catastrophic is your waffle?
Are you a proactive, strategic thought-leader who thinks outside the box? Then get ready for unemployment, pal For many years I have been moaning about the pretentious bilge people in business come up with. To this end I have often …
Read MoreA tale of commercial masochism: why the hell would you want to do this to yourself?
Plus a little insight into the tortured early life and struggles of this sad old scribe – and news of a really helpful new book I was brought up in an old pub with a restaurant. The photograph was actually …
Read MoreLeveraged any clouds lately? Yet more poisonous executive hogwash from Ziff-Davis. But they do get one very important thing right
The literary equivalent of sleeping potions: this guff may be important, but I’m damned if I can tell. Can you? And does it matter? I’ll get round to Leveraging the Cloud in a minute. But first let us gravely contemplate …
Read MoreTwo magnificent prizes for the weekend. They won’t be around for long
What are the most important, often least appreciated assets your business can gain? Dedicated, determined, talented people. Here are two I have worked with, available right now No, I haven’t gone into the executive search business – a racket I …
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