A laugh a minute: if you’re a “planning/buying” agency, make sure you know who you’re writing to
Many people think the key to success in our business is being creative. It is not. It is being relevant.
A dull message to the right people will always beat a brilliant one to the wrong ones.
But whatever your message, never start with an apology, like a street beggar clutching at the hem of a rich man’s overcoat.
And don’t use too much of that same old, same old jargon. It’s the kiss of death not just in getting jobs yourself – as I noted last week – but in getting business for your firm.
Here’s an example, received today from someone who feels he knows me well enough to call me Drayton – but not well enough to discover what I do for a living:
Hi Drayton
Apologies for emailing I’m simply trying to find out if you are looking to review your current advertising/media agency?
We are tenacious planner/buyers and we have the creative flair to develop campaigns that get what we all want – results.
We strongly believe that it’s about getting the job done appropriately, combining together just the right levels of online and traditional media that’s right for YOUR business – we also believe it’s about being ‘media neutral’, using the media platforms that benefit you – the client, not the agency.
So why not think about (name of writer’s agency)? We are surprisingly competitive and refreshingly transparent and above all remain positively focused on how we could help you generate more business
I look forward to hearing from you – as usual it’s all about timing.
Kind Regards
Peter
And here is my reply:
I hate to disillusion you, but it is not always about timing, Peter.
Often it is about competence, however vague.
Why would we, an agency, need an agency?
Why wouldn’t you – allegedly a “planner” – do your homework?
And since you don’t, why would anyone want to hire you?
He then replied assuming I was upset when I was merely irritated – attempting a little fledgling wit.
I’m so sorry I have upset you so much Drayton – sometimes in life you purchase data and sometimes things get missed.
You obviously think this so serious as to reply as you have.
Apologies – I will ensure we never make such a life threatening mistake again.
Well, we all make mistakes – me more than most I often think.
But if you’re a planner, shouldn’t you look at data before you use it? Isn’t planning about looking ahead and getting things right?
Then again, if you’re renting it out (I doubt it was “purchased”) shouldn’t you make sure it’s accurate?
But if there is one area of marketing where quality – never very high – has declined, I suspect it is list rental.
Another great example of ‘how not to’ Drayton. I have to say I responded to a cold call this week where the caller apologised for interrupting me but I guess calling is different to something in writing. Her apology certainly got a lot more of my attention than the caller the night before who thought that as a training company I needed to invest in Microsoft Office 2015 Professional to improve my business. He was naive enough to think that my only possible objection could be having to make a payment over the phone. He has a lot to learn!
I think you are right. A phone call is indeed an interruption. I believe the beginning of persuasion is often just saying something that is true.
That is why a safe opening to a letter is “You’re busy, so I won’t waste your time.” That says something true in two words and makes a promise in six more.
Some genius sent a cracker recently. They were hoping to punt their Big Data venture at a trade day. Giving that this is all about connecting various data sources to get better information, they missed the point.
The mail was addressed to Dear Subscriber. About 25 years ago I learned how to use MailMerge in Word. In minutes you could add someone’s address, name and preferred name. I seem remember my parents naming me Ross, not Subscriber.
A lazy and pointless email which tripped over on first line. Big Data? Not even data, they have failed before launch.
Two days ago I was teaching 23 of the brightest and best the marketing industry has to offer. Nobody had ever told them what to read so they had never even heard of Hopkins or Caples, let alone read them.
I said to them, “I envy you. You are coming into an industry where at least 95% of the people haven’t got a f***ing clue. And I mean from top to bottom – but particularly the people at the top – the marketing directors. What a wonderful opportunity for you!”
The lack of training in agencies may well cripple that business the way things are going; I spent a little time reading out particularly asinine advertising headlines. God, there are some idle, ignorant bastards making a living. But I think things may improve. I get a lot of messages from people who want to be copywriters, and are putting in the work.
I expect we all get spam emails from SEO companies telling us they have “reviewed” our website and can get us front page listings for our major keywords. I guess their definition of “reviewed” really means: I found your website URL and decided to annoy you with my email. Funny thing is, if they invested in some of your material on direct marketing they could probably make a great living offering a legitimate service in a legitimate way.
This is true. The great paradox in all this was explained to me by my partner Gerald: everyone wants to be in the top three on Google, so by definition you’re almost certainly onto a loser. Of course there are other factors, like how narrow the topic is, which in turn determines how many people search for it. But that is another matter.