A few simple calculations and a little thought will tell you how well you’re doing. How come most marketers can’t be bothered? A week or two back I wrote an email for a Canadian client. Actually that’s a lie. He …
Read MoreCategory: Uncategorized
Suggested brilliant new business strategy, ParcelForce; hire people who can read
Watch out, f**kwits about! How come delivery people tend to be so bad at delivery? Last year I was invited to an event where the new boss of the Royal Mail was speaking. The whole thing was a waste of …
Read MoreWhy I bet a lot of people share my view that Cameron is bloody useless … though then we all stop and consider the alternative
Couldn’t thrash Britain’s most loathed PM ever … admired the mendacious, money-grubbing, contemptible Bliar … and above all hasn’t kept his promises When I started this blog I had a lot of fun fulminating about Smirking Tony and Bully Brown. …
Read MoreWant to meet the world’s greatest bores? Try Social Media. Only Mr. Pooter compares
You couldn’t make this up. Or could you? Plus how I went broke – again, idiot. And what my folly may reveal about the world’s greatest bore-a-thon. Since hardly anyone reads books now few people have ever enjoyed Diary of …
Read MoreThe Half-Wit’s Guide to Selling to Business from people who really should know a lot better
Canned Boredom from Ziff-Davis: How not to write an email – the complete lesson for beginners in two turgid paragraphs The email you see above reminds me of a remark by novelist John Updike: “A healthy adult bore consumes each year one …
Read MoreWhy I won’t be subscribing to the DMA ever again
How not to run a trade association – and what a shame, because they used to have it right A year or so ago the DMA – the U.K.’s Direct Marketing Association – tried to wring their annual subscription out …
Read MoreSoppy drivel with a dash of the pretentious. Why do people love it? Am I being silly about it?
The language makes me feel a bit ill. I’m not trying to wean a baby. I’m just trying to sell something. And if you do it properly you will double your sales I find what follows, which landed in my …
Read MoreWhy did the kind offer of a free “Consultation re marketing automation” fill me with panic? Was it because I barely understand a word of what follows?
Every day I get – and I bet you get – this sort of guff. It’s a mystery. Why don’t the perpetrators learn just a smidgeon about a) how to write and b) marketing? This came today. Maybe you got …
Read MoreWhy you’re reporting to Billy Marketing-Moron – and it’s making you ill. What can you do about it?
How in God’s name did he do better than you? Because although you don’t know it, he’s not in the same business as you. But don’t despair You and I may never have met. I may not know where you …
Read MoreWhy your marketing fails – and always will if you employ these ill-informed bozos
A quick short-cut to bankruptcy: what are marketing diplomas worth if they don’t remind people what the objective is? 33 years ago I started running the U.K.’s first ever residential course in direct marketing for the Chartered Institute of Marketing …
Read More