Having been brought up in a pub I acquired a taste for silly jokes that has never left me, so I liked this one, sent to me by the publisher of Meininger’s Wine Guide, for whom I am scratching my head to write an article.
Anyhow, here it is:
A guy was driving around the outback and saw a sign in front
of a broken down house: “Talking Dog For Sale”.
He went up to the the front door & knocked.
The owner appeared and told him the dog was in the backyard.
The guy went into the backyard and saw a nice looking
blue heeler cattle dog sitting there.
“Do you talk?” he asked.
“Yep,” the dog replied.
After the guy recovered from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he said:
“So, what’s your story?”
The bluey looked up and said,
“Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young.
I wanted to help the government, so I told the Federal Police.
In no time at all, they had me jetting from country to country,
sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog
would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any
younger so I decided to settle down.
Signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security,
wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch
of medals.
I got married, had a bunch of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”
The guy was amazed. He went back inside and asked the owner
what he wanted for the dog.
“Ten dollars,” the man said.
“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you
selling him so cheap?”
“Because he’s a liar. He never did any of that shit.”
One of my recent favorites…
This guy comes home with a duck under his arm.
He sees his wife, and he says
“Here’s that pig I’ve been Fucking”
His wife says, “That’s a duck you idiot.”
The man says
“I wasn’t talking to you.”
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
“Certainly, Sir, that’ll be one cent.”
“One Cent?” the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”
“A nickel,” the barman replied.
“A nickel?” exclaimed the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The bartender replied, “Upstairs, with my wife.”
The man asked, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”
The bartender replied,
“The same thing I’m doing to his business down here.”
Good jokes.
I am still laughing.
Swans