So what’s your value proposition, pal?

Lo, and it comes to pass that every now and then, emerging from the endless swamps of the Lost Kingdom of Marketing Jargon, the Anointed High Priest of Pointless Bollocks brings forth a new Sacred Morsel of Bullshit.

And, yea, the Marketing Drones genuflect before it, for it maketh the blindingly simple seem complex and justifieth their Monthly Stipends.

Well, perhaps my favourite definition of marketing is “Give the buggers what they want and you’ll do OK”. So I have been working recently (and still am) on Value Propositions for two different clients in two countries selling two utterly different things to entirely different types of people.

The Value Proposition, for you unenlightened heretics out there who want to trot it out to impress the dozy and gullible at dreary meetings, tells your prospects what they get for their money.

Stirred up by this thought I have been wondering what my Value Proposition is compared to all the teeming multitude of Marketing Gurus out there whose number multiplieth every week like unto that of rabbits in Queensland.

How the hell have I survived for so long? I don’t pretend to tell you how to get rich almost effortlessly by following my secret launch formula; I don’t guarantee to turn you into an “A-list” copywriter whose every well-turned phrase daily stuns and delights your lucrative and generous clients; I don’t specialise in any area at all. Not dodgy health products; not investment advice; not anything, really.

Essentially, if you want to flog just about anything, I’m your man.

This week – besides the aforementioned value propositions – I’ve been writing about models people can collect, two different types of property investment – one for the absurdly rich, another for the ordinary Joe – a new book on divorce, temporary buildings, martial arts courses, holidays, a painter of abstract art and the occasional portrait – and two new marketing services I’m involved in. I’ve been writing leaflets, letters, scripts for speeches, a brochure and one or two ads. And what is really astonishing is that pretty much everything I bang out seems to work. It really is very odd.

But there is one other thing I’m playing round with that you might like, dear reader, when I get round to offering it. You might call it Everything you need to know about selling almost anything to anyone anywhere in a series of easy to follow and sometimes funny e-books and videos.

Would that interest you? It won’t cost you $5,000 to stay in a secret location in the Mojave desert and be lectured by 5 legendary internet masterminds who were cleaning toilets till they discovered the secret formula for attracting millions. It will just be good value, no miracles.

While you’re thinking about that, you might find what follows, prompted by one of my current tasks, as funny as I do. If not, you’re in the wrong place. It was sent to me by my son Nick, the world’s best imitation Paul McCartney. That’s his value proposition – and that’s him at the top. And here’s the URL to visit for a laugh. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=klS92A8YzfY&feature=related