As I said, I’m writing a book – and now, it turns out, doing some Masterclasses – on marketing for the legal profession.
Thank you to everyone who offered help. I hope you all got my replies, which brings me to today’s howl of outrage.
A lot of people in marketing would like to think that theirs, too, is a profession. But so many are such criminally useless twats that it’s hard to see it happening.
Take a man called Henry Cazalet who keeps on e-mailing me about SMS marketing. His e-mails are actually pretty good. So much so I have replied three times, because I’m interested.
Yes, friends. I’m a real live prospect – or was.
Has he replied? Not a bloody chance. He hasn’t even answered two messages asking why he doesn’t reply. And it’s not as if he’s using one of those spew-it-out-and-hope-it-lands machines.
How does he survive? I’ll tell you. Because when you’ve got something people are really interested in, you don’t need decent marketing. Just look at the shit run by computer and mobile telephone firms.***
But others, who have nothing to offer except personal prejudice, will not do as well. A typical example is a person I’ve been dealing with who, untroubled by false modesty, cheerfully rewrites my copy and rearranges layouts done by the best art director in this country, based on nothing more substantial than opinion.
It reminds me of Sergio Zyman’s response when his boss at Coca Cola said he didn’t like his proposed ads (some of which are still running after 16 years). “Roberto, if you personally buy every bottle of Coke sold all over the world for the next year, we’ll run the ads you like. Otherwise …”
After half a century studying and trying to get it right, I think I have a vague idea of what I’m doing – I have maybe a 2% flop rate. And my art director with whom I’ve worked on and off for 30 years is better than me, because he can write copy but I can’t draw.
But there we are: this is not a profession like the law where people follow precedent; it’s a trade infested with amateurs.
*** But nothing compares with those crass Aviva TV ads. The direst moment must be the factory worker who says “I am not a target market”. You can just see someone from Wigan saying that, right?
The semi-literate fuckwits who come out with that garbage don’t realise is that out there is a real world full of real people who have better things to do than talk shit about proactive this, strategic that and say “concept” when they mean some tiny idea a fucking hamster could have thought up.
Mind you, they’d do well in parliament.
Wonderful post, Drayton! I've often wondered outloud about the perceived value of our 'profession.' I wouldn't dream of telling my accountant how to do his work or my son's orthopedist. I just know what I need to have them do.
Yet how many times do we deal with clients who, because they've read or viewed an ad, think they can write/create an ad better than the folks who, like, do it everyday.
Bosh, I say.
Thanks, Roberta. Bosh is a wonderful word I haven't heard since I was at school. I must re-enlist its aid:-)
David Ogilvy had a wonderful rejoinder for these twits: “Why hire a dog and bark yourself?”
Roberta (one of my faves!) is modest, because she failed to mention this video she posted on her blog. Which you will indeed love, Drayton:
http://www.copywritingmaven.com/2009/06/04/are-you-a-stupid-marketer/
Bloody hilarious video. Trouble is, it's almost impossible to parody some of these buffoons.
@Drayton, I love the word 'bosh' as I'm too much a lady to use 'fuckwits' outloud and in public. 🙂
@Michel, flattery is always appreciated. Now please, get back to work.
“But nothing compares with those crass Aviva TV ads. The direst moment must be the factory worker who says “I am not a target market”. You can just see someone from Wigan saying that, right?”
I like the way that ad joins the conversation that's already in the mind of the prospect:
“Don't call me by my stage name”
You tell them, not-Ringo.
I've lost count of the times my bank have called me “Napoleon”.
(because they've seen my punk band “Napoleon Stalin and the Boner Parts”)
Fuck them. I'm taking my money and giving it to not-Norwich Union instead.
Steve
I just got a copy of http://ePostMailer.com and I would recommend to anyone who needs to send out an opt-in email mailshot. Its the best free desktop based email marketing software I have used so far.
Hi Drayton,
I'm Henry Cazalet, the marketing chancer who failed to respond to your e-mails.
I totally agree with your sentiment that it is utterly pointless to undertake a marketing campaign and then fail to react when potential customers actually respond.
Now here's the rub. We don't seem to be able to find a record of your e-mails. A thorough check of our spam filter and mail server logs has come up with a complete blank. (I can only assume they've disappeared somewhere en route!)
We're always mustardy keen to provide a first rate service, so we'd be delighted to pick things up again if you wish.
I can be contacted on 0117 9249207 or henry.cazalet@textmarketer.co.uk
I hope I can restore a little faith, although I'm quite flattered to be the subject of blog fodder.
Both barrels today Drayton! Spot on as usual and made me roar with laughter at least 3 times
I need to do another video with you, Martin, for EADIM …