Signs of the times – today’s jokes


This morning there’s no underground here in London.

The union is on strike. The strike was almost called off, then reinstated because the wretch in charge, Bob “The Vulture” Crow, wanted two people reinstated. One is accused of stealing. The other opened the doors on a train on the wrong side (could have killed a few people).

So now we know what Mr. Crow believes in: dishonesty and dangerous incompetence. You can see from his face the kind of person he is. The sort of thug who gets thrown out of pubs late at night for starting fights.

This almost inevitably brings me to Der Toader. In my paper I read “Brown prepares reform agenda.” (The other day I forgot to mention that word, which fits into the same category as policy and initiative and means vague promises made in pompous manager-drivel.)

Here’s a sensible agenda:

1. Get rid of Brown. 2. Remove Brown. 3. Throw Brown out. 4. Expel Brown. 5. Put Brown on the streets without a pension forced to make an honest living etc., etc.

On the subject of pompous manager-drivel, here’s part of an e-mail I just got:

For those concerned about boosting productivity and morale through improved supervisory skills, you are invited to join us for our leading 60-minute audio conference:

“Excelling as a New Supervisor: Essential Skills for Rising Stars”

Ungrammatical. Dreary. Fatuous. And you know what? People will buy it. Now ask yourself why so many businesses are in a mess.

As Dr. Johnson once said: “The cows in the fields are content, for they know no better.”

Tomorrow I shall write about something entirely different and more pleasant. Art. So if you’re interested, keep an eye open

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

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