What the hell’s happening?

Has my computer gone mad?

All of a sudden I’ve been hit by a torrent of Viagra offers, a never ending stream of requests to watch eccentric maidens doing bizarre things with their family pets, and a rich cornucopia of bargains in the horological department – maybe to time the erections.

And some of this stuff is so unkind. “Life is unjust – that is why some men are well-endowed while others aren’t” says the improbably named Harris Atkins, advising me that “you would never have to travel south if you had a bigger shaft.”

I have no idea why this has all come about. What’s more, Harris, you unimaginative Neanderthal, many of us like to travel south.

But I am straying from the point, which is that the lady who sits opposite me – to whom Viagra is supremely irrelevant and shafts mere objects of curiosity – has started getting the same stuff. But strangely enough, young Kate our trusty handmaid hasn’t.

Why? We’re all in the same office, on the same server. Why should Kate be left out of these adventures? Is she below the age of indecency?

Aren’t computers odd?

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

5 Comments

  1. M Jacob

    I had 85 of these when I hadn't checked my gmail for a week. All of it in the spam folder as always. Every time I empty the spam folder, gmail congratulates me with an unchanging accolade. Hooray! No Spam Here. I'm wondering of which message I'm getting tired.

    Reply
  2. Drayton Bird

    Hmmmm. Only 85???? That's terrible. You'd better check with your doctor/fashion stylist/optician… they're so worried about me/my sexlife/timekeeping/general health/website/eyesight I get more than that every day.

    Reply
  3. Steve Gibson

    My spamblocker is great.

    I get your posts by email and this one was dumped straight into “Spam” because you used words like “Viagra”.

    Gone are the days when I regularly received unsolicited emails from “horny and lonely teens”.

    (presumably the gist was that they were female and 16+)

    Steve

    PS BTW, didn't you once send out a marketing tip by email telling people…

    “don't use any of the following words in your emails as they're likely to get you blocked. The words are…”

    LOL

    Reply
  4. Drayton Bird

    Silly old me, Steve. Maybe I should have replaced all the best woprds with ******?!!!

    Reply
  5. Drayton Bird

    Silly old me, Steve. Maybe I should have replaced all the best woprds with ******?!!!

    Reply

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