Here’s a story for you from India, in case you’re wondering why daily applications of Lynx haven’t done the trick.
It was headed, Man sues Axe, as unable to get girl
A 26-year-old man has filed a case against Hindustan Unilever, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for ‘cheating’ and causing him ‘mental suffering’.
The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he’s been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements (it’s essentially an Indian version of Lynx, sold in the U.K.) suggest that it helps men instantly attract women.
Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.
He espressed his unhappiness with touching directness.
“Where the fuck is the Axe effect? I’ve been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I’m sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I’d try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!”
Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company’s instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn’t experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.
“I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I’d always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I’d do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children’s reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai.”
I sympathise. I have been taking internet courses that swear I’ll make millions in my sleep for years now – but here I am, still penned up in my little Chelsea flat, still going to work every day. Where the fuck is my yacht?
You'll get your yacht shortly after attending that social media seminar in a secret location near Manchester. 🙂
It has occured to me for years why no-one in the UK has yet sued over the claims for Lynx.
Surely, there are plenty of people here who feel the same as Vaibhav Bedi?
As far as this goes:
“I have been taking internet courses that swear I'll make millions in my sleep for years now – but here I am, still penned up in my little Chelsea flat, still going to work every day. Where the fuck is my yacht?”
I know how you feel.
Mrs Carlill lives! Axe/Lynx is the true descendant of the Carbolic Smoke Ball Company.
Mr Bedi should and deserves to succeed in his claim.
Advertising agencies pay attention! In the English legal system there is no excuse for advertising hyperbole and no doubt it will apply in India as well.
Most of the people that offer 'intant millions' courses on the internet have either disappeared without trace or do not have a proper contact address. Can't take them to court, Drayton!
As for the yacht, honestly, you could have had one anytime, right?
'Instant'. Damn! My 'S' key keeps getting stuck and I hate proof reading from a computer screen.
If you read those 'I make $10,000 in my sleep' websites very carefully you'll usually find an 'earnings disclaimer' basically saying that everything they've said in bright, bold text is not typical or, in fact, real.
I've never bought one of these non-sense products but my best-guess is that their plan for making millions is by selling guides to how to make millions to the next sucker.
One born every minute – I think the expression goes.
On a related note (Rezbi this is for you too) I thought you might like this fantastic graph I came across.
http://putthingsoff.com/wp-content/uploads/popular-authors-working-hours.png
Brilliant.
Dan,
That graph doesn't surprise me one bit.
I work more than 24 hours a day sometimes.
It's possible – I've done it.
Rezbi – I'm pretty sure the graph is made up – but I get your point.
Rezbi, Lynx hasn´t been sued yet because it actually works. As long as it is used in conjuction with 20 large vodkas and the line “I can´t help noticing the way you haven´t been looking at me all night, love.”
Works like a charm.
The Lynx launch commercials were extremely innovative and fun. I still remember they had to pull the ones that were aired down under (or am I losing it?). That set the stage.
M Jacob, ref the ads that had to be pulled down under, was that the one where Bruce steps out onto the porch and asks Sheila, “Hey Sheila, do you fancy a shag?”, to which she replied, “Nah.”
“Well, do you mind lying down while I have one?”
Maybe not.
This post reminds me of a poem I had written in my blog a few months ago..
A self styled Internet Marketing Guru
Sends me spam that always hollers
“For 10 bucks I promise to show you how
To earn a million dollars!”