Someone really WAS late for their own funeral – and other titbits

Why should I be the only one to fill this space with instances of the fatuous, deluded and downright loopy?

So thank you, Noel Hawkes for this picture of a hearse being taken off the streets by one of the few services that really gives its all in this country.

And thank you, Pam Kennett for this wonderful example of the recruitment industry at work. Notice how first they say what their policy is, then make it clear that they are liars.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

It is HYF’s policy, as a matter of courtesy to respond to all applications within three working days. However because of the volume of applications, we are sometimes unable to respond to individual candidates. If we have not contacted you within three working days your application has been unsuccessful and your details have not been retained. Please apply for any other position that you may see in the future. Thank you.

Why don’t they come clean and simply replace the heading with: “Looking for a job, sucker? Don’t waste time on us because we don’t give a flying fuck”.

Finally someone who remains anonymous for fear of revenge attacks sent me this from an advertising agency clearly marooned hopelessly several yards up its own drivel-clogged rectum.

I’m writing with some exciting news. After five years as Chief Strategy Officer for Euro’s global network of more than 233 offices and two as co-CEO of Euro RSCG in New York, Andrew Benett will be assuming new responsibilities within our Havas family and will become the new global CEO of Arnold Worldwide.

Equally exciting, Pete Zillig, who is currently Global Brand Director on Reckitt Benckiser and President of Global Brands for Euro RSCG Worldwide, will move from London to replace Andrew and join the New York agency as co-CEO, partnering with Jeff Brooks.

Arnold is an amazing creative powerhouse in North America, and we have a very clear strategy to turn Arnold into a brilliant global micronetwork. We are bringing in Andrew to lead that development, working in close partnership with Ed, Fran and Pam.

Andrew has a fantastic track record of success … Blah, blah blah … plus 5 more paragraphs of literary hyperventilation ending with a request from the signatory, whose name is David:

And please join me in congratulating everyone.

The unfortunate recipient of this piece of what David Ogilvy described as “flatulent puffery” commented:

I thought you would be as amused and utterly unexcited as I was to receive this spam from the current world of advertising. The irony is rich coming from people who are supposed to be communications advisors. As you might expect, I’ve managed to resist David’s exhortation to ‘congratulate everyone’ but only by sheer strength of will have I resisted telling him what a wanker he sounds by distributing this drivel.

Quite so.