Your bargain is not necessarily my bargain, Phil

Being, as they say in the North where I was brought up, “as cheap as chips”, I am ever alert for a bargain, so I read this from a man called Phil with some interest.

Dear Drayton

We would like to offer DraytonBird Associates Ltd the opportunity to fill any two roles for only £995. With a massive saving of approximately £400 off our single vacancy price can you really afford to miss it?

The answer was “yes”- and I shall explain why – but I thought it was a good e-mail, because the copy mentioned they’d filled 92% of vacancies in the previous month.

I think people are the most important asset for any business, and I would never, if I could possibly help it, let them be supplied by a recruitment firm. I feel pretty much the same about “human resource” people.

Here’s what happened five years ago when I was looking for a new PA.

(Stop me if you’ve already heard this).

My then PA at the time, Denise, suggested I could get the perfect girl – a bright 19 year old she had already spotted – from a recruitment agency for a mere £2,000 plus.

Well, the last thing I needed was a bright 19 year old, and I resented paying that much to people who are little more than body-brokers.

So I wrote an ad in 20 minutes which we stuck on Gumtree. It cost us £19, and I got 82 replies in 24 hours, and found nearly twenty likely good people. Choosing the right one was the only problem.

And what was her background? She was running a hamburger restaurant. “I’ve never been a PA, but believe me, there’s nothing you can throw at me that’ s as hard as what I do now.”

She was fantastic until she went and got pregnant. She even wrote some good copy – though her native language was Brazilian Portuguese. But what recruitment agency would ever have been able to spot she was perfect?

Here’s a good one from my pal Glenmore:

Don’t spank potatoes in front of The Bitch

Joan Collins was being served dinner in BA business class and one of the potatoes was so hot it burnt her mouth. Ms Collins called over the steward and told him the potato had burnt her mouth.

The camp flight attendant was a little over-excited to be serving the star so took the potato and proceeded to spank it and say “Bad potato! Bad potato!” much to the mirth of fellow passengers. Joan, however, was not amused and made a complaint.



P. S. Anyone know someone literate, organised and bright who wants to work with me for nearly nothing?

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

7 Comments

  1. Drayton – post your vacancy on any industry forum “Looking for an intern”. As long as there is some marketing, copywriting, admin or IT, with an OK title like 'Executive Operations' or Marketing Operations' or somesuch title the person can use to get a job later, you'll get a graduate worker dead cheap. If that doesn't work, I'll send you my superb graduate son Anthony age 22 who not only does all the above but is moving to London soon.

  2. Drayton

    Sounds like a bargain:-)

  3. warrencottis

    did she also have nice buns?

  4. Drayton

    Oh, dear, oh dear, Warren. What ARE we going to do with you?

    Yes. It is required of all Brazilians I suspect.

    Her husband and she became really good friends of ours and I am really annoyed we haven't got to see them and the baby this year – as we hoped.

  5. Bradley Long

    Hi Drayton,

    Is it a permanent position or temporary, will the person learn to copywrite?

  6. Drayton

    No idea, Bradley. Just need a hand and stuck that up on a whim. Not sure I want to spend my days teaching someone how to write copy: I would be charging a lot for that.

  7. phillip Jose

    YES!

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