A crusty old man walks into the local Catholic church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.”
The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, Sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?”
“Listen up, damn it. I said I want to join this damn church!”
“I’m very sorry sir, but that kind of language is not tolerated in this church.”
The secretary leaves her desk and goes into the priest’s study to inform him of her situation. The priest agrees that the secretary does not have to listen to that foul language.
They both return to her office and the priest asks the old geezer, “Sir, what seems to be the problem here?”
“There is no damn problem,” the man says. “I just won 20 million dollars in the damn lottery and I want to join this damn church to get rid of some of this damn money.”
“I see,” said the priest. “And is this bitch giving you a hard time?
Drayton – absolutely brilliant! And like all good jokes it has the ring of truth.
While you’re on the subject of the Catholic
Church, maybe you have the heard the one about a tragic accident involving a
school mini-bus from St Agnes Catholic school.
The girls arrive at the gates of heaven and
are met by St Peter. He takes the first girl gently by the shoulder and asks
her if she has committed any mortal sins since her last confession.
“Well father, I did just lightly touch a
boy’s penis, but he had his trousers on.”
“There, there my girl, dip your fingers
into the holy water and pass through the gate.”
When asked the same question the second
girl replies,
“Well yes father, I too gently touched the
same boy, only he had taken his zipper down you see.”
“There, there my girl, dip your fingers
into the holy water and pass through the gate.”
St Peter was just about to ask the same
question of the third girl when a big strapping blonde pushed to the front of
the queue.
“Just a minute young lady, what’s the
rush?”
“I want to gargle in that water before she
has to stick her ass in it!”
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a
street in Dublin. One has a cross in front of him, the other one the Star of
David.
Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of
the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches
throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none to the
beggar behind the Star of David.
Finally the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says:
“My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People
aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front
of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In
fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite.”
The beggar behind the Star of David turns to the beggar with the cross and
says: “Moishe, look who's here to teach the Levine Brothers about
marketing!”
Bloody excellent
Money changes communication acceptance levels.