Today’s great promise: writing for trailer-park f***wits. Watch out J. K. Rowling! Also, can you walk on water?

As faithful readers know I am an eager follower of the life and works of J. P. Maroney, a man so brilliant he can turn a Norwegian Elkhound into a best-selling author in 3 days flat.

This morning he writes to me promising all my troubles are over:

“If you want to know how to sell a ton of books and turn your books into client-getting marketing tools for your business then you’re going to love my new Author Coaching Club … Wait ’til you see all the cool stuff I’m giving you. Luv’it!

PS: Did you know something like 8 outta 10 people hope to some day write a book?”

Pretty inspirational stuff, eh? Maybe after all these wasted years I should forget scribbling away in English or sending off for Jeff Walker’s Miracle Window Cleaner and Everlasting Traffic Gobbler and give my money to J. P. Because the sad fact is, I am one of the 8 outta 10 and I find “authoring” hard work.

In case you don’t know it, J. P. is also “Mr. Monetizer” and just a few short weeks ago was offering me the chance to sit inside his Guru Incubator, having failed to get me to become a world-class public speaker in 37 seconds flat.

What a writing style the man has, though I am a tad disappointed that he didn’t fit in the all-purpose teenage/marketing guru adjective “awesome” in there, not to mention that catchy little phrase “I gotta tell ya”.

Whilst waiting for his How to Become a Nobel-Winning Nuclear Physicist Without Getting Out of Bed course, I just got this inspirational message from someone with a Hotmail address who’s never heard of targeting and is utterly unfamiliar with the concept of the paragraph.

We are seeking an experienced Real Estate Office Manager/Sales Manager/Realtors to manage the Real Estate department of our Company, to develop and grow our existing sales team and rentals department. Would you like to play a pivotal leadership role in an established and highly successful Real Estate business in your region, then this position is perfect for you.You will be responsible for managing the candidates and the candidate process, supporting a small team of consultants on a daily basis with their admin and back office functions allowing them and the business to achieve overall sales targets. Responsibilities will include: * Ad writing (SEEK and My Career) * Continually introducing talent to the business by: * Meeting with new candidates through ad response * Headhunting talent out of the market * Telephone screening * Candidate coaching * Achievement of your individual revenue budget * Assist a team of experienced consultants in achieving their budgets We will offer YOU: * Uncapped earning potential * An extensive training program * A network of established and experienced colleagues * Development and career opportunities You will be given all the tools needed to succeed including ongoing coaching and mentoring from the leadership team. This coupled with your demonstrated experience, passion for the industry sector and your huge willingness to learn and achieve, will ensure your success. Ideally you will come from a Property or Real Estate background, or a recruitment agency. Your approach must be professional and intuitive, with the ability to hit the ground running in a fast paced environment.

Not asking for a lot, are they? I must hit the ground running, dig out on the old pivotal leadership role mask – next to my Superman outfit in the loft – and meet their leadership team.

P. S. All that stuff about J . P. was just sour grapes. He has a magnificent head of hair, and you can learn a lot about parting fools from their money from his website.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

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