Who tells more lies than those “you’ll get rich without working” gurus ?

You’re right: politicians. So here’s a good one from my old partner Glenmore Trenear-Harvey

Two Crocodiles were sitting by the side of the swamp near the river. 

The smaller one turned to the bigger one and said, “I can’t understand how you can be so much bigger than me. We’re the same age.  We were the same size as kids. I just don’t get it.”

“Well,” said the big Croc, “What have you been eating?”

“Politicians, same as you,” replied the small Croc. 

“Hmm. Well, where do you catch them?” 

“Down the other side of the swamp near the parking lot by the Parliament Buildings.” 

“Same here. Hmm. How do you catch them?”

“Well, I crawl up under one of their Lexus cars and wait for one to unlock the car door. Then I jump out, grab them by the leg, shake the shit out of them and eat ’em!”

” Aha!” says the big Crocodile, “I think I see your problem. You’re not getting any real nourishment. See, by the time you finish shaking the shit out of a Politician, there’s nothing left but an asshole and a briefcase.” 

Cultural Note:

I think this comes from Oz, as there’s an election there and plenty of crocodiles. My second wife was previously engaged to the Attorney General of Australia.

He only escaped going to jail for fraud by dying.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

2 Comments

  1. “He only escaped going to jail for fraud by dying.”

    Yes, there was a lot of that going on in the aftermath of the 80’s in Australia.

    Seriously, we’re not making this up.

    1. Drayton

      “Times change, people don’t.” – John Caples. I think the gentleman in question died in the ’70s. I had lunch with him one day in Sydney. He was one pf the only people I ever met who was busy emptying not one but two glasses of wine alternately.

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