Soppy drivel with a dash of the pretentious. Why do people love it? Am I being silly about it?

The language makes me feel a bit ill. I’m not trying to wean a baby. I’m just trying to sell something. And if you do it properly you will double your sales

I find what follows, which landed in my inbox yesterday, irritating and vaguely nauseating for some reason.

I guess that’s because it takes something very simple – following up leads persistently – and makes it sound like something out of Bringing up baby.

More to the point, the figures are suspect – in fact contradictory.  I have found doing this is far more profitable than they suggest.

The email was headed with the cliche’d line Your Ultimate Guide to Lead Nurturing, then read:

Hello Drayton,

When done well, lead nurturing plays a critical role in your organization. Up to 95% of qualified prospects on your website are there to research and are not ready to talk with a sales rep, but as many as 70% will eventually buy a product from you – or your competitors. On average, nurtured leads produce a 20% increase in sales opportunities versus non-nurtured leads. Are you ready to start nurturing yet?

I don’t know where they get that 20% from. Nor is it possible to ignore the weaselly phrases “up to” and “as many as”. And if the 70% is not just a figure plucked out of a hat they are implying a far greater benefit.

However, I assume the silly word nurturing means continuing to send the prospects helpful stuff that also asks them to reply. Then again, it could mean following the asinine prescription of the Content Marketing “Institute” and not asking them to reply. If you don’t ask, you don’t get and you won’t do as well as you could.

But if it means what I think it should, I have found you will double your sales – at least – by doing what one of the best marketers I know recommends.

I asked him how long you should follow people up, and he replied, “Till they give in.” As he is worth about ten times as much as me, though about 40 years younger, I respect that point of view.

The first reason it works so well is laughably simple: your prospects buy when they want to buy, which is not always when you want to sell. The second is that they usually have a lot on their minds and you are rarely the most urgent one. And the third is quite simply that repetition works.

So my rule is that you should keep talking until the incremental cost is greater than the net profit that results. Since emails cost very little I have one automated series that so far constitutes 56 emails.

Turning aside from all that, I got an email this morning headed Looking for Payroll and Bookkeeping services to save your Business time! with the salutation Dear Sir or Madam

I don’t know why the heading deserved an exclamation mark. It didn’t seem that thrilling. But I did like the Dickensian salutation. To hell with familiarity. Bring back Queen Victoria!

By the way, if – like a lot of people – you don’t know all about the art of following people up, I have pretty much mastered it and can help. As I say, a good series of follow-ups can pretty much double your sales. Our fees are modest. But the results are not.

If you’re interested to know more, just send me – db@draytonbird.com – an email headed Baby.