The Mystery of the Phantom Books – and have computers improved things that much?
One of my favourite pessimists is Lord Salisbury, a deeply conservative Prime Minister under Queen Victoria.
Whenever change was suggested he would ask “Aren’t things bad enough already?”*
This came to mind when I went onto the Bristol Libraries website this morning, with two aims.
- To ask why they had made it more difficult to renew books
- To try and reserve books by an author I like
I knew the rot had set in when the Chelsea Library I used previously introduced computers about five years ago.
I imagine some creepy salesman sold them the idea of saving money by replacing the perfectly competent and pleasant folk staff with machines.
The machines malfunctioned so much – and probably still do – that I suspect and hope that nearly all the people are still there, if only to explain why nothing works.
One thing that worked very well here in Bristol was the online renewal system.
I would go online to renew; the machine would recognise me and fill in my library number and password automatically; then with a few clicks, all was done.
They have just improved things.
Now when I go online, I first see an ad promoting childhood reading or something, that is of no interest to me – then I have to fill in my details manually.
Bloody stupid. They have added another step and made me work.
As in Chelsea the machines malfunction regularly and there are happily still plenty of people there to help.
But here’s a lulu for you.
As I write I am looking at an excellent historical whodunit by Melvin R. Starr called The Unquiet Bones.
It is the second of his books I have taken out from Bristol Central Library, though for some reason probably suggested by a re-branding buffoon he has also written as Mel Starr.
I would like to read the others he has written.
When I go to the library website to search, it says they have none of his books. He is unknown either as Melvin or Mel. He is a phantom scribe
By what miracle have I managed to read two books by this non-existent author? Maybe the library is a figment of my imagination.
* In case you haven’t read my favourite Lord Salisbury story, it is about a dinner party.
Salisbury was extremely absent-minded.
Turning to the man next to him he asked, “Who is that gentleman four places down on the right?”
“That is your eldest son, my lord.”
Priceless!
Ahh, the gift of rebranding, it never tires!
My College celebrated its 500th anniversary in 2005. It was under the very able hands of an ex navy submarine officer. Jim knew the history inside out and was extremely capable of speaking about it at functions. He brought in shedloads of money from various wealthy sponsors and even trusted me to build/launch a post grad course in the 21st century.
His tenure came to an end and the era of the managers started. These grey oxygen thieves decided that a rebrand was necessary as part of their sweeping reforms (yawn). Take a 500 year sigulum with tons of meaning or the new 15ft high heap of pretentious steel shite? The trendy hand and blade won. The College ties have always held snippets of the sigulum and none were ever made of the new crap.
So, here is a question. Which of the following is the most easy to find on the College website:
1 Details of course, diplomas and fees?
2 The College Shop, with the lovely traditional ties?
3 A lovely tale about us and the College “rebrand”?
You know the answer already and what is the lovely phrase you use from David Ogilvy?
Great phrase – “grey oxygen thieves”!