Specially for people wishing to improve their language. Two versions.

A group of children were trying to get used to nursery.

The biggest hurdle was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk.

You must use ‘Big People’ words,’ she was always telling them.

“John, what did you do over the weekend?”

“I went to visit my Nana”.

“No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER.

Use ‘Big People’ words!”


She then asked Mitchell what he had done


“I took a ride on a choo-choo”.

She said. “No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.

You must remember to use ‘Big People’ words”.

She then asked little Alex what he had done?

“I read a book” he replied.

“That’s WONDERFUL!” said the teacher .

“What book did you read?”

Alex thought very hard, then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,

“Winnie the SHIT”.

Those of you who working in places that require you to spend a lot of time talking shit about strategy in meetings may find the economy bullshit generator more helpful.

I have offered it before, but I am sad to note that some of you are still not using it. You will never succeed in any large organisation until you do.

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html

Let’s go, team!

By the way, if any of you talk about your “teams” or “team-building exercises” in business, stop it now. You’re not playing soccer, you buffoons.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

4 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    The link links to Microsoft Outlook Web Access…

  2. M Jacob

    Team-building is wasted corporate stuff, but needed to lead the layabouts along. Never mind that, what's with the jokes (funny as they are)?

  3. Bloody hell. I never thought anyone would ask about the need for jokes. Never was there a greater need for jokes. Would you prefer Cameron's wet dreams? Anyhow, the jokes are there because I like jokes and I am in charge here. You want solemnity, consistency and a burning sense of purpose? This is not the place. Ha!

  4. I may have to agree with M Jacob because my sides are hurting from all the laughter.

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