Balls – Drayton Bird Associates

London is afflicted with a plague of free papers – one in the morning, two in the evening. This has slaughtered the Evening Standard, which has always been a pretty good read.

Its prospects were so disastrous that the owners gave it away to a crazy Russian, who then pissed away a small fortune on some of the worst newspaper advertising I can recall. That’s a shame, because the revamped paper is pretty good – but not good enough to survive in my view.

Having said that, they do print some rum stuff. Tearing myself away from an article about what a total shit Martin Amis is – takes after his father – I read that Thieving Bloato is going to get rid of his even more crooked henchman Darling and replace him with Ed Ballsup, another crook.

But my eyes stood out like chapel hat-pegs when I saw some maniac leader writer in The Standard describe this smarmy wretch as “capable” minister.”

What have you been smoking, duckie? The only three things this smug twat has shown himself good at are: 1) Advising the Toad on “economic strategy” to such fine effect that the two of them managed to fuck up the entire economy for decades to come 2) fucking up all the school examinations at astounding expense and then saying it was nothing to with him 3) Stealing lots of dosh with his fragrant spouse Yvette – the only sign of ability I can see.

A smoked haddock would probably do a better job as Chancellor than him. Lock him up with the others.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

6 Comments

Richard Boyd

Jun 6, 2009 - 6:03 am

Balls by name, balls-up by nature. As you say yet another talent less, wretched cnut!

Simon M

Jun 6, 2009 - 3:13 pm

Drayton

I'm more upset about your views on the probable demise of the Evening Standard, as I'd already given up hope that the Country will survive given the way it's been run into the ground.

Rezbi

Jun 6, 2009 - 3:42 pm

I couldn't care less about the standard.

What standard is a paper setting when it's one-sided and totally anti-Islamic.

Of course, there are those who will say there's nothing wrong with that, but make it anti-zionist and there's be uproar of anti-semitism.

It's not okay to be anti-semitic but it's fine to be anti-Islamic.

I hope the shitty 'noise' paper dies a horrible death.

Tom McPhail

Jun 6, 2009 - 5:53 pm

Right hand man Balls; childish I know, but fun and somehow so appropriate.

Rupert

Jun 6, 2009 - 9:53 am