Did you know that Bird flu, which is nothing to do with me, but was going to kill tens of millions, has caused at least 245 deaths in the last ten years.
Swine flu looks like another threat, but is nothing to do with Flatulent Toad Flu, a rare beneficial variant that only attacks one-eyed liars in Downing Street and their associates.
In such troubled times, it is heartening to read the following, sent to me by Malcolm Auld, the Ocker Sage of Manly Beach:
Toward the end of Sunday service, the Minister asked, ‘ How many of you have forgiven your enemies? ‘
80% held up their hands.
The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one small elderly lady.
‘Mrs. Neely?’; ‘ Are you not willing to forgive your enemies? ‘
I don’t have any. ‘She replied, smiling sweetly.
‘Mrs. Neely, that is very unusual. How old are you? ‘
‘Ninety-eight, ‘she replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
‘Oh, Mrs. Neely, would you please come down in front & tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world? ‘
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, faced the congregation, and said, ‘ I outlived the bitches. ‘
