Our boy “Jamie” plays a blinder

I just saw this internal e-mail from “Jamie” Dimon who is the boss of J.P. Morgan Chase, the bankers.

He must be the same “Jamie” who is responsible for the banks multi-billion dollar losses through crappy sub-prime paper, but who blithely said he was not worried last autumn.

Actually, I think I hate almost anyone called Jamie, but that’s another subject.

Anyhow, whatever his name is, his memo says he is “very pleased to announce that we have appointed former British Prime Minister Tony Blair as a Senior Advisor to the firm. He will also be joining our International Council.

In this advisory role, Tony Blair will work with us part-time — advising our Operating Committee and Board; participating in key client events; and helping our bankers on senior-level client matters worldwide.

We’re honored that Tony Blair has chosen to work with JPMorgan Chase. He plans to advise a very small number of highly respected companies — we’re the first, and we’ll be the only banking institution — and it’s a reflection of all we’ve achieved together that we are his top choice.”

Christ, if I heard I was the bliar’s top choice I’m not sure I’d be pleased. I’d probably throw myself in front of a bus.

The question is, can the old maestro do for a bank what he managed to do for us?

Could he get them into a couple of wars? Can he teach them anything about bribery – always useful in certain markets? Have they any involvement in education, crime-fighting or medicine? His track record in those areas is remarkable.

A friend has already predicted one possible “initiative”.

Morgan take over a small, defenceless bank in the middle east – fearing they could launch a hostile takeover bid in the next 45 minutes with lunch money.

They’re paying him $500,000 a year – part-time. If that’s for him to stay away three days a week, it’s a start. They should bite the bullet and pay him more not to turn up at all.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

4 Comments

  1. Very interesting Drayton. I would certainly be mistrusting of any company who employed a dodgy MP to advise them.

    I wonder which bank good old Gordon will be going to work for when he gets the boot?

  2. That’s a very good comment, Catherine, since as we all know, Gordon is the genius who took over when we had more money in the bank as a country than at any time in 50years – and has pissed away the lot and more besides with virtually nothing achieved. Exactly the person the average bank would take on.

  3. Drayton looks like Mr Bliar has got what he always wanted lots of money for nothing – well they will have to put up with his obsequious Cheshire cat grin and delightful wife!!!

    Now if they started the Queens Award for Wankocrats these two would get my vote – black belts at it!

  4. Heard a news snippet on the radio yesterday about this – Blair being paid silly money by some bank or other, to do something or other…

    Thought that this had to be a massive waste of the bank’s money, whoever they were. If they were I bank that I used, I would complain and move my business elsewhere.

    Where is the value in putting up a well-known name such as the Bliar to promote any aspects of banking?

    Wouldn’t you normally want to choose someone who is known for being honest, truthful, trustworthy, and well-liked?
    Qualities you would think the bank would like attributed to their organisation, no?

    Instead, it seems that they have gone for ‘one of their kind’ – a person who does whatever he or she chooses, with other peoples money, for personal gain and ‘damn the consequences’.

    Regards,
    John Rutter (john-rutter.blogspot.com)

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