For decades connoisseurs of municipal folly could confidently rely on the loopies at North London’s Camden council for a few laughs.
For 30-odd years these corrupt incompetent rogues managed to combine the highest taxes in Inner London with the most abysmal service. You could be sure they’d come up with something ludicrous and expensive at frequent intervals. In fact, as Tony Bliar long lived there, I’ve always wondered if their policies inspired his larger, national schemes of wasteful futility.
It was a bit of a worry, then, when last year the voters finally threw the Camden rascals out, giving the majority to the liberal-democrats. Where would we turn to for samples of urban idiocy?
What a relief, then, to see a string of expensive, pointless posters today round the corner from my modest offices in Newman Street. A splendid example of needless, irrelevant and ill-considered expenditure in the great Camden tradition. Perhaps they were initiated and designed by the council’s design consultants who are, for reasons only an astrologist could fathom, called Dogstar.
To explain why they are such a stupid idea, I should tell overseas readers that last year our Government in its eagerness to stop as many things as possible without starting anything apart from a catastrophic war, decided to ban smoking in public places.
To be fair, though, to even things out, they also introduced round the clock drinking, so what we lost in lung cancer we gained in cirrhosis of the liver and thuggish violence.
Anyhow, for months the proposed smoking ban was a big topic in the press, on TV, on the radio, amongst smokers, non-smokers – anyone alive and not deaf or blind with even the vaguest interest in what was happening in Britain knew about it.
What’s more we not only all knew about it long before it happened – but afterwards, too. Its consequences have been debated ever since in the media, always desperate for something trivial rather than real news. Was it going to kill the restaurant or pub businesses? Was it fair? Would they extend it to everywhere? What would they ban next? Farting?
Anyhow, you get the idea. This was one of the most talked about domestic topics for ages.
Judge, then of my joy, to see these posters yesterday, months after the ban was introduced. One is reproduced above, glorious in its irrelevance and political correctness, down to the black model (Camden’s black population is about 4%, by the way).
If there is anyone who can tell me in what way this nonsense serves any purpose, save wasting time and money on asinine self-congratulation, please do.
I have no doubt that the buffoons who authorised it believed that it was “marketing” and would do a lot for their “brand”. Stupid bastards.
As a fitting final touch part of this inane exercise has been funded by the national health service. This gives us all a tiny clue as to why that bloated wankocracy has failed to improve its service in the last decade despite having twice the budget it used to have. They pissed the money away on such irrelevant “initiatives”.
New dogs, old tricks, I see
About the Author
In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.
He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.
Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.
He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.
Thanks Drayton for keeping us up to date on what the wasteful assholes are doing with our money. And also for teaching me a new word: Wankocracy.
The horrific catchphrase(?) title makes me want to tear it down myself! Perhaps London should go tete-a-tete with Baltimore, Maryland for most worhtless tax spending?
I was working for a publisher in the horrid city of Baltimore. I saw things & heard of things that shocked even my D.C.-hardened soul. So, along with murder, rape, random beatings, & drug crime on a scale that regularly catches national attention, it also has the most inept city gov’t I’ve witnessed. Their ad campaign on buses, public spots etc… for a short while read “Baltimore–Get in on it!”
Get in on what?!
I stopped, only briefly, in my pathetic publisher’s tracks to laugh, so did the crackhead, up early opposite me at 7:30 a.m. coming to on the streetcorner. I’ll never forget it! I still laugh at this.
Another “great” previous campaign was after the truly tragic September 11 events. Baltimore (completely uneffected by said events) undertook a massive ad campaign putting “BELIEVE” everywhere with an empty spot (with no explanation) on a large black rectangular background w/ “BELIEVE” in white letters. They seriously believed (ha, ha) that it would stop the criminals from killing everything in sight & ‘heal’ Baltimore. For several weeks they left it completely unexplained as “part of it.” I guess years later this is what we were supposed to “get in on!”
So, Baltimore vs. Camden… who wins? : )
Saw another ad on a billboard recently (not too far from “horrid Baltimore”) of a very happy black couple on their wedding day, smiling up into the camera in what is surely meant to resemble wedded bliss–but actually looks more like a grimace of pain on the wife’s part. The caption: Marriage Works!
Oh really? How the hell would a newleywed couple know that? Statistics alone surely wouldn’t seem to back that up–but the local government is all about spending millions on billboard adverts touting something-or-other, like the benefits of families eating together (usually crayon-drawn stick figures standing next to the crooked house, with Mom, Dad, kids and dog all wearing crayon smiles), anti-smoking campaigns, and now “marriage works.” Duh…
I suspect it’s another lame attempt by the “wankocracy” to advertise morality, since it seems to be having a hard time legislating it. They’re hoping to drive those cockle-warming messages into the dull heads of drivers by, so they’ll absorb it by osmosis. Fat chance! And it’s MY money they’re wasting! I want it BACK!
Moral of the story…government should stay the hell out of the advertising business–in fact, stay out of business altogether–it just ends up mucking it up for the rest of the country.
Unless it’s spent on defending our shores, keeping criminals off the street or keeping the roads passable, they’ve no business handing my money out for any other purpose–sigh–and yet they keep inventing them.
Apryl,
I completely forgot about the new one — I saw it & was mesmerized on a trip to one of the nicer parts of Baltimore. It was mesmerizing. I suspected Orwell was going to jump out at any moment in miniature form & dance around my car singing “Told you so! Told you so!”
Just kidding.
And, yes, “horrid” is pretty old school (but accurate)…how about “skanktastic?”
I have heard that Baltimore has some of the best copywriters of the 20c. hidden away in it — please call them Baltimore!
Love It.
Further thanks for bringing to light the term ‘bloated wankocracy’ to describe our delightful NHS spending machine 🙂
John Rutter (john-rutter.blogspot.com)
“Bloated Wankokracy” why would this place the image of large sweaty Germans in Lederhosen pretending to be teenage girls on myspace in my head. Eugh enough said!