You don’t often get anyone who’ll translate stuff for nothing into French – which is what Swans Paul did with my last piece without being asked. Thank you! My French is a joke, but not such a good joke that …
Read MoreAuthor: Drayton
Irony – and your comments
Just for the benefit of anyone who’s had an irreversible sense of humour bypass operation, an explanation. Much of what goes on in the world today is far too serious to be treated seriously, so many of these pieces are …
Read MoreHow to solve the immigration problem: the reverse BNP solution
Before I start, for the benefit of overseas readers I should explain that the BNP is the British Fascist Party, who keep on calling for the repatriation of everyone whose colour or ethnic origin they dislike. They are a sort …
Read MoreWhat about the poor bloody workers?
I suspect this line was usd by Peter Sellers as Mr. Kite, the shop steward in “I’m alright Jack”. It certainly used to produce guffaws years ago whenever quoted as a parody of the average trades union moaner. But when …
Read MoreIf you ever want to know what those a***holes have been doing with your cash …
… for the last ten years, don’t ask Gordon Brown – he’s just in charge of stealing it. Read this utter garbage. But after doing so, why not ask yourself a few questions, like: Is this not just a giant …
Read MoreOh, God – not more of Drayton’s bloody holiday snaps!
You can skip this one if you like, because you know all too well what’s coming, but I did promise to say more about Cuba so here goes, with a few illustrations Everybody loves those ancient American cars that sheer …
Read More“Blood and stomach pills!”
My father sometimes used this phrase when feeling a trifle heated about one thing or another – which was pretty often, starting with the choice of tunes on the Light Service, which is what they called radio 1 in medieval …
Read MoreA true Chihuahua story – specially for Aussies
Did you know Chihuahuas were used to kill snakes? I found out the hard way Just over 21 years ago I was on my way to make a speech at a posh club in Melbourne. It was a blazing hot …
Read MoreMy secret bodybuilding past
Well, I never knew so many people were so seriously fed up with gyms. This confirmed my maxim: “Nothing fails like success” (© Drayton Bird) – which I find applies to most industries and people. Before enlarging on that, I …
Read MoreMore sweaty armpits and addled brains
I am really thinking there is a market for books about the topsy-turvy world of gyms. Last week my partner and her sister went to one called KX which was wonderful. It is an absolute snip at £300 a month …
Read More