A crusty old man walks into the local Catholic church and says to the secretary, “I would like to join this damn church.” The astonished woman replies, “I beg your pardon, Sir. I must have misunderstood you. What did you …
Read MoreAuthor: Drayton
Well, do you actually give a f**k? This little graph, clearly based on years of rigorous academic study, may give you the answer
A friend from South Africa occasionally sends me stuff that brings a wry smile, a quiet chortle or even a joyous belly-laugh. But this particular fruit of his research brought me to the startling realisation that I really am very …
Read MoreGetting sex when you’re ugly – and a tale of my imcompetence
Someone wise once said that life is not only stranger than you imagine, it is stranger than you can imagine. My friend George Machun, trapped in the deadening toils of academe at San Francisco State University, recently put up some …
Read MoreGod’s holy trousers! Your brilliant wit can cause real problems. I think it cost me a client
The other day John Walsh let fly a blast of condemnation in The Independent about the latest Diesel campaign, which he headed A dose of something unlovely. Here’s what he said: Do you ever see an advertisement that really turns …
Read MoreNews from the department of “Who Would have Guessed It?”
I’ve almost giving up reading most of the papers. That’s because so much is devoted to things you don’t need to know or know all too depressingly well. This morning, for example, there was a feature on which female “stars” …
Read MoreHurricane? Another dreadful few hours I’d almost forgotten
In 1992 I went to stay in Coral Gables for a couple of months – pretending to write a book, or maybe I really was. Talk about the wrong place at the wrong time. We were bang slap in the …
Read MoreWhich is more ridiculous? The sunglass maker or the vagina evangelist? And how has the human race survived?
If you had to decide who comes out with more undiluted shit, politicians, marketers or journalists, you’d have a tricky time, believe me. On the plane back to London, at a loss for what to read, I turned to the …
Read MoreAnother failure on my part: I didn’t make myself clear, Lorraine
Two days ago I talked about Rowan Gormley’s unique Naked Wines club as a rare example of genuine social marketing. Lorraine Rogerson, who I see lives on the Turks and Caicos Islands, lucky beast, wrote on facebook saying, “I like …
Read MoreI stand before you astounded …. by a wild goose chase
Since as I remarked not long ago nobody learns history now you are excused for not knowing anything about the gent on the left. He is Clive of India, who won battles which transformed the position of the British in …
Read MoreA miracle! I’m back from the dead … Plus what’s missing from most social media?
“Back from the dead?” I hear you cry Am I Lazarus? Or did you think I was referring to a ghastly two day birthday hangover, you cynic? Not at all. Let me explain. I am in Sweden to speak at …
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