Did you know Chihuahuas were used to kill snakes? I found out the hard way Just over 21 years ago I was on my way to make a speech at a posh club in Melbourne. It was a blazing hot …
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My secret bodybuilding past
Well, I never knew so many people were so seriously fed up with gyms. This confirmed my maxim: “Nothing fails like success” (© Drayton Bird) – which I find applies to most industries and people. Before enlarging on that, I …
Read MoreMore sweaty armpits and addled brains
I am really thinking there is a market for books about the topsy-turvy world of gyms. Last week my partner and her sister went to one called KX which was wonderful. It is an absolute snip at £300 a month …
Read MoreWhy LA Fitness is unfit, some thanks – and a few other reflections
Dr. Johnson, as you know if you read this, is perhaps my favourite person to crib from, though he made quite a few pretty sweeping and highly dubious statements. One of his best lines came when he was asked to …
Read MoreThe rumours are a damned lie, Sir!
Not long ago a friend asked me why I keep referring to “my partner”. “Some people might think you’re gay,” he said. To be honest, I don’t give a hoot what people think, and at my age you have to …
Read MoreCountries get the rulers they deserve – and vice versa
There is an old joke which, like all jokes, only works if delivered with a straight face and solemnity: “To be born an Englishman is to win first prize in the race of life.” Anyhow, I know many of you …
Read MoreJust when you thought it was safe to come out …
You have too much crap to read already, right? So when you didn’t see a word from me, you sighed with relief. But with one bound, I’m back. From Cuba, actually Two of my partners and I went to do …
Read MoreA little musical interlude
People in my trade – direct marketing – know two infallible ways to get people’s attention: first, appeal to their greed, and second, flatter them. Doesn’t that say a lot about human nature? Sad but true. If you also say …
Read MoreBe fair to the plods!!
My partner read what I wrote earlier – and made a good point. “The police don’t bother because what’s the point of arresting the dealers? They get let out anyhow. It’s not like they’re going to jail. They’ll be out …
Read MoreDozens of chirpy crack dealers – but no police, naturally
If you’ve been reading this, you may recall my fond reminiscences of happy days with A, retired party girl, failed carving knife artiste and reformed meth fiend. In those days if you were an addict you could sign up and …
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