Last month a world-wide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question was: “Please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a massive failure because: 1. In …
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Call this modern art, you limp dicks? You’re years behind the times
The Tate Modern is decades behind the times, dithering weakly as they skirt the shores of true modernity. It is time they dived in. My dismay is provoked by learning that the top prize – The Turner – at the …
Read MoreWill anyone ever do anything to stop these obscene, wasteful, pointless jamborees
What they say versus what happens: “Delegates from 190 nations reach a deal to curb climate change, including a fund to help developing countries, at UN talks in Cancun.” What happened: hordes of hypocritical parasites who don’t pay income tax …
Read MoreCould the people at Talk-Talk, BT, Sky, Ofcom and so on find their own arseholes without a flashlight? Or what happens if you’re not Lord Sugar
If you go here you can see how hard it is to get the Telewankers to act even if you’re famous. http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/showbiz/article-23904769-the-day-lord-sugar-wanted-to-say-youre-fired-to-bt-call-centre-staff.do. The mighty Sugar got things fixed in a day – but he only had to deal with one …
Read MoreHow NOT to sell carpets – plus advice from a great writer
The carpets in our flat which were there when we arrived are beginning to look as tired as I feel after a night on the booze, so the great search has begun. At one point it looked like it might …
Read MoreAbout all those free drinks I mentioned … and the secret life of Adam Hargreaves
Let me ask you: do you love the English countryside? The winter landscape on the right for example. Do you, like me, prefer it to what I saw in the Saatchi Gallery last year – a pile of old clothes …
Read MoreThe toughest copy job, assorted follies – and two offers: one bound to interest you
I don’t know if familiarity breeds contempt, but when it comes to writing I find it breeds inertia. It’s that same old, same old feeling. I am usually pretty quick when it comes to pouring out the purple prose. But …
Read MoreElmore Leonard’s Rules of Writing In keeping with recent posts featuring prominent authors’ tips for writers, here’s Elmore Leonard’s famous Ten Rules of Writing. Leonard is a crime writer, and quite possibly among my top three favourite writers ever. Looking …
Read More“Ignorance is bliss” … how can firms have learned NOTHING in the last 150 years? Plus the tantalising moment that can transform your profits
The other day I got an email from a firm called AdvertTracker, whose skills either do not include literacy or who do not bother to check their emails for grammatical errors before they send them out. The copy read: “This …
Read More“A fool and his money are soon parted” – with an invitation for you
The internet is a bit like the Wild West. Very little law and order – and too many killings by unscrupulous rogues. I have noted three infallible signs of a likely rip-off. 1. The phrase: “My good friend”. 2. A …
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