News from the clueless

Does this kind of witless rubbish irritate you as much as me? No wonder surveys reveal top management thinks marketers are clueless

On September 8th someone called Irene Labai wrote to me. She is a “Success Manager” at a firm called EasyERP.

I don’t know her. I don’t know what a Success Manager is – one of these silly titles people who have nothing better to do dream up, I guess. And I don’t know what EasyERP do.

Nevertheless she said “Hello Drayton, How is your day? I will appreciate a minute of your time to answer my, so to say, unusual question, could you? I am interested in which version of ERP system do you use in order to organize the working process?”

Well, my day was arranged in much the same way as usual – morning, afternoon, evening – though I have no idea why she asked.  And the question was not, so to say, unusual. It was, so to say,  utter gobbledegook to me and I was too damn busy to forage through the jargon-clogged world of acronyms to find out what it meant.

So rather than expose my ignorance I just replied “I don’t deal with this kind of thing.”

Then on September 22nd the lovely (and success-managerial) Irene returned to the attack, touchingly solicitous for the well-being of an old man she doesn’t know from Adam.

“Drayton, Hope you are doing fine. I want to introduce myself as your point of contact at ThinkMobiles. Here we specialize in native mobile, web, front- and backend development. I`d like to offer our services, experience, and knowledge in case you’re having difficulties in tech development or are overworked. I am really looking forward to your reply. Kindly, Irene.”

Actually the last thing I want nowadays is any more points of contact. And I am having grave difficulties with people, no matter how kindly, who waste my time with incomprehensible messages. Maybe you are too.

But for what it is worth I replied.

I have a great idea for you, Irene. It’s a brilliant new strategy called read your mail – for instance, the reply I wrote on September 8th. It’s quite easy to do as well. Look up about 5 inches.

I was able to say 5 inches because that’s where the first exchange was on the page. But since she was either too lazy to read or unable to understand my response to her first message, what chance do you suppose I have?

God, how I hate these time wasting people. Though not as  much as the ones who write assuming that I want to have a phone conversation with them about whatever it is they want to foist on me.

 If they could just take the time and  make the effort to explain, in plain language why I – or  better still a likely prospect – should want to know more about whatever the hell they are selling their profits would zoom up in the most gratifying fashion.

About the Author


<p>In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.</p>
<p>He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.</p>
<p>Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.</p>
<p>He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.</p>

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