Thieves, sloths and drones are out to get us


First, sorry about my spelling in the last piece. Besides having the intelligence of a cat, I have the manual dexterity of a two-bottles-of-tonic-wine drunk.

But second, let me ask you how you felt when you learned that the property slump means estate agents are closing down in the hundreds. Was it rather like the way people felt when it was announced Hitler had died?

I thought so.

What a bunch of villains. I am just having our flat valued for the divorce. It is about 800 square feet. Those thieving bastards at John D. Wood claim it will take 6 – 8 hours to do this job – and want to charge around £2,000. A blind man could do it in 20 minutes.

Meanwhile, I want to get some electricity reconnected at another property in Bristol. The people at British Gas employ Siemens to do this exacting task which takes about 10 minutes – and charge about £500 for doing so.

Well it would take ten minutes, except the idle sods went there, couldn’t park easily and just left. Meanwhile I was paying for someone to sit there and wait all day. My P.A. has been on the phone for about three hours trying to get sense out of anyone about this.

I imagine the boss of British Gas gets paid a handsome six figure sum for this farcical incompetence. And likewise Gauleiter Siemens.

It’s true. Shits do rise to the top.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

4 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    So true! We had a complete nightmare with not just one but two estate agents when we sold our house last summer. They are all money-grabbing scoundrels who should rot in hell.

    Reply
  2. John

    Perhaps it’s time to up sticks and leave? There are better places in the world.

    Reply
  3. Amanda

    Drayton,

    You’ve been on a tear lately! I especially appreciate the poor spelling, so few of us enjoy our silly mistakes.
    Any speaking engagements in the States?

    Reply
  4. Drayton Bird

    Amanda, thanks: it’s not so much that I’m illiterate; I just can’t type and I’m always in a hurry – eg, off the the airport in an hour.

    I have been planning to speak in the US for some time now – probably when I finish my trips round Europe to promote the joys of EADIM (www.eadim.com).

    One thing that has slowed my US plans down is the total inability of one allegedly enthusiastic party to reply to e-mails, but now I think I have found someone else.

    So we are talking about late autumn.

    Reply

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