I am just recovering from doing a seminar followed by a grand dinner in Almaty, which – as you all know, don’t you? – is the biggest city in Kazakhstan.
This country is startlingly unlike the funny film that made so many Americans look so ignorant/racist. There are no less than 100 nationalities living here, because comrade Stalin shipped a lot of people here than he didn’t like – in large numbers. How bizarre that so many people in Russia see the murderous old bugger as a hero.
So as a result of his forced migrations there is an amazing variety of looks here, from the original locals who look oriental – and often very striking – to most of the others who look European. Anyhow, they are very hospitable (and smart) people and do seem to like a drink or too, I was pleased to discover. In fact the only disconcerting thing for me is that the national dish is horse, which for no very logical reason I don’t care for. I recommend the goat.
Meanwhile, I got a couple of messages from friends to remind me just how full of horseshit the wacky world of capitalism is.
My Aussie partner Mal tells me that “A mate of ours was dis-established by his company today. In other words the bastards fired him.” And one of my old colleagues send me a quote from a database “guru” who felt impelled to tell the world that:
“Qualitative research is essential to get to the heart of customers and understand how they think, feel and act through the mediation of thalamus, cerebral cortex and amigdala.
I recommend one on one in-depth interviews and the creation of consensus maps, the consensus being portrayal of how customer segments or communities relate to your marketing communications, brand and/or product, as well as the category in general.”
I suppose some mugs will read this twaddle and say, “I don’t quite understand that but it sounds very deep. This man can help me. After all, he is a professor.”
No he can’t. If you can’t understand it, don’t buy it. These guys charge by the syllable.
My thalamus, cerebral cortex and amigdala are pulsating with anticipation and all I get is your grumpy drivel.
Lighten up Mr Bird and smile. I hear you can be amusing and charming. So. . . .?
You recommend the goat? No elk or other large cousin to a deer?
Sigh. Where is cuisine coming to?
Well, I’m sure, at least, that it didn’t taste like chicken. There is something to be said for that.
So what about the pituitary gland, the hypothalamus – how dare he leave out the ‘hypo’ from the thalamus.
And the medulla oblongata, what happened to that then, eh?
Dear Drayton,
I really don't know who else to turn to anymore. I'm an American Marketer who just can't get a job–period. Just days before this global crisis broke out I got married & moved to a different state, & of course that means I had to quit my job but I do a little contracting for them, which they know have brusquely informed me–is over 'for awhile.'
Well, we've about gone through our savings, I only have 2 1/2 years of experience in marketing, but I'm 30. I've read every marketing book I can find — I don't have an MBA, I have a lovely English B.A. to top it all off. I have an amazing resume crafted from your recommendations from your EADIM website, glowing references, & amazing accomplishments–I've received one interview. With that interview, I was not hired–instead they chose 'someone that better fit the job description' In fact, I fit it to a 'T'. Every single thing they asked for & asked me after FIVE HOURS of interviews. I've applied to so many jobs where I fit the description exactly–am I simply edged out of the marketplace by other more experienced marketers during this crisis? However, I'm seeing more and more jobs where the experience they're asking for is beyond what is reasonably needed–anything I could get is simply drying up…& fast.
I can't get a job as a marketing associate manager, a coordinator, or as an assistant! I'm now applying to grocery stores for cashier jobs—is this the end of the marketing career that I loved? I actually truly enjoy marketing–I can think of only a handful of people (that I don't pesonally know, in fact) that love it. I don't want to give this up. And, I don't even want to venture into my absolute necessity for health insurance on top of everything else. If I sound desperate it's because I am. Help!
On the first comment, I can only rejoice that the writer can use simple English when sufficiently provoked.
On the last one, apart from sympathising, which is not much help, no matter how sincerely, I can only say:
1. Without having seen your job application letters and cv it is hard to comment. If you send them to me at drayton@draytonbird.com, I will.
2. Of course, interviews are a highly personal matter – so I have no idea of your personality, but if it’s any consolation I have been in a few desperate straits myself and my favourite relevant quote is: “Courage is the ability to go from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm” – Winston Churchill
3. I used to say, “I’ll work for a month, and if you don’t think I’m any good, throw me out.”
Hope that helps.