Dickheads at the helm, friends

I strongly believe that in many ways marketing is done a lot worse than it was 20 years ago.

O.K., I’m a miserable old sod who thinks things were always better way back when.

But I have two reasons for my belief

Firstly, British schools are turning out illiterates – and not only that, new methods actively discourage study: everything is now based on multiple choice – rather like idiots’ TV quiz programmes.

Secondly, there has been a massive explosion of spurious jargon chiefly designed to part fools from their money – which it does very well.

For example, two clients I know are doing what they call re-branding. Neither realises that the brand exists in the mind of the customer, not in their marketing department. They fondly imagine a new slogan or a redesigned website or brochure are all you need.

Epitomising the kind of nonsense that goes on is a message I got today from a very experienced and competent direct marketer. It was all too depressingly familiar.

Since 2006 we have worked for a small charity producing its mail order catalogue, undertaking warm and cold mailings and providing advice (usually free and based on common sense practice).

We were appointed by the Marketing Director, who I have known for many years, and who knows that I know more about dm than he does; we like and trust one another and have respect for each other’s skills. So far, so good.

This year he appointed a part time Marketing Manager as he is committed to building a local fundraising programme north of the border. Young MM comes from the world of fmcg marketing and has embarked upon, in her three day a week job, a ‘review’ of agencies – not that they have any, just us and a freelancer who puts the newsletter together.

We were summoned to do a ‘chemistry’ meeting, whatever that may be – it turned out to be a chat and lunch, and we are now invited to their offices again (about 140 mile round trip) to receive the brief.

“Great,” I said, “looking forward to working with you”. “Oh, no,” comes the reply from young MM, “you are just through the first round when I saw EIGHT agencies, and now you have to pitch against three others for the project”.

The budget, I learn today is £15,000…with a promise of more next year if this test is successful. Needless to say, I have withdrawn and hope that the other three do too. I also hope that young MM soon joins the ranks of the unemployed because she is wasting the charity’s money where she is.”

Just think: the money wasted on paying for this young punk and her self-aggrandizing pitching bollocks is preventing good work being done. Every day people in desperate need are being robbed by witless, conceited people like her.

Where do they dig these shit-for-brains kids up from? Who hires them? Who promotes them? Who doesn’t know what they’re doing?

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

5 Comments

  1. Drayton I know there are a lot of books regarding marketing, marketing managemenet, branding and so one. But I think it will be usefull a book with the title “Marketing department for entrepreneours: how to recruit and how to verify there work!” What do you think? 🙂
    Mihai from Romania

  2. Rupert

    Ref Epitomising the kind of nonsense……

    I have often sat in front of a witless and conceited marketing bimbo. They sit there with more pout than pudenda, not listening to a word you say as they only have a one way valve in their brains, primed and ready to make the same mistakes that their predecessors have made years earlier.

    I have a simple description for them; cunts (Can U Not Tinker Stupid).

  3. Rupert

    Ref Epitomising the kind of nonsense……

    I have often sat in front of a witless and conceited marketing bimbo. They sit there with more pout than pudenda, not listening to a word you say as they only have a one way valve in their brains, primed and ready to make the same mistakes that their predecessors have made years earlier.

    I have a simple description for them; cunts (Can U Not Tinker Stupid).

  4. Viv

    The pitch process is the standard approach with FMCGs. It’s expensive and time consuming, and yes, the process is less than ideal, but it is the process… surprised you’ve not come across chemistry meetings and pitch processes before Drayton…

    1. Drayton

      Sorry, Viv, what gave you the idea I have “not come across” this before? I have been involved in pitches since the mid 1960’s. Mostly on the winning side, as chance would have it, for accounts like British Telecom. Based on that experience I believe, as I said, for the reasons given, that the process is not “less than ideal”. It is bloody stupid.

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