The Ministry of Sloth, Incompetence and Waste has just issued a new report

Yes, you’re right, I made it up after reading that there’s a Ministry for Business Innovation and Skills.

That is beyond ludicrous. Could you even in your most demented dreams imagine a bunch of politicians and civil servants achieving anything – anything at all – beyond waste?

But, credit where credit’s due: this lot certainly have rare skill in that direction. They’ve just pissed away £16 million – £16 million – on a report that the three scamps who paid themselves £40 million while running MG Rover into the ground were not guilty of fraud. I wonder how much that works out per page?

Pardon my scepticism about the conclusions, though. These hogs at the trough bought the firm for £10 then ran up debts of £1.6 billion. Were they perchance at any time trading whilst insolvent?

My two other laughs yesterday were:

1. The Great Toad lecturing the shits who run Burma for locking up Aung Ssu Kyi again.

I can just see their reaction. “Isn’t he the fool that’s taken 12 years to get one fifth of all the kids in his country unemployed? What can he possibly teach us, the sad bastard? Just about everyone here isn’t just unemployed – they’re starving. He’s not trying hard enough”.

2. Alan “fill my wallet” Duncan – one of smarmy Dave’s crooked sidekicks – saying that nobody with any ability would go into parliament if they all had to be honest.

Er, hello, Noddy: which talented people did the current arrangements produce? The minute anyone – like Frank Field – showed any sign of talent or honesty out they went.

How did Dave the PR Prince react?Is he firing him. Not a chance. “Alan made a bad mistake and he has acknowledged that, he has apologised and withdrawn the remarks.”

This brings me to the enterprising lads who robbed the jewellers in Bond Street. If they apologise should they just be forgiven? No need to give back the jewellery, though. Why should they? The lads in parliament haven’t been forced to, after all.