How many mugs are paying their IT agencies to get screwed like this? Or, there’s one born every minute

Recession or no recession, there are still plenty of rip-offs going on.

I know one client that pays an agency tens of thousands a month just for being there. Not doing anything. Just being there.

My friend Ian reports:

One of my clients needed some code adding to their website, it’s something I could do in 10-minutes, but as the website developer wouldn’t let me have access to the server, my client had to ask them to quote for the work.

They said it would take 2-hours and when asked to substantiate their time replied:

Recieve (sic) request. (so they charge to receive my email!)

Review and understand request. (That’s f’ing brilliant, how pig ignorant are they? Apologies to any pigs reading this.

Specifiy (sic) and quote changes required and confirm with customer (So you’re sending back my request with some prices plucked from the air with it?)

Compare live and local versions of file. (So why would they be different if the site is live?)

Merge differences and open code for editing. (I’ll try that next time a client asks me to open a Word document to revise some copy.)

Apply code to local development version. (Ditto)

Test changes. (This is where we discuss if Andrew Strauss should remain opening bat for England.)

Open up access request on server. (How long does it take to log on?)

Create backups of the old file. (Dear Client, before I change the headline in your copy, I must charge you for backing up the version you didn’t like. This could take about 10-minutes, I’m sure you’re dozy enough to understand.)

Upload new file. (Like this takes forever.)

Test live server. (Test the 13-amp socket with a wet screwdriver while you’re at it.)

Document changes. (Is this a copy of your Specify and Quote Changes document?)

Review. (Who are you, A A f’ing Gill?)

This is by all means not a full list but gives an indication. (WTF did you leave out?)

I’m in the wrong business said my pal.

This kind of stuff goes on because too many clients don’t know what they are doing, and because the word online addles what little brains they have.

David Ogilvy used to have a sign saying, “Please God, send us smart clients.”

Amen to that. And praise the Lord that I have a few.

But not enough.