Who is this buffoon? – Drayton Bird Associates

Here’s a bit of fun for you. A couple of years ago a large financial organisation which shall be nameless asked me to go and do a talk, which I agreed to do for a modest sum.

Then they said they had a theme for their event: Harry Potter. A good idea because they were holding it in a fairly eerie castle. Would I dress up?

Any chance to make a fool of myself is more than welcome, so I agreed, which is why you see Dumbledore Bird here. Here’s the speech I delivered in a doomy voice from a balcony to the assembled throng.

I must warn you that tomorrow, the Ministry of Magic will be visiting Hogwarts to seek out signs of evil.

Evil is a pronounced, tangible thing any wizard or witch can choose to embrace.

Certain words and pictures are endowed with magical qualities and power – for good or evil.

It is up to a wizard or witch’s free will to discern how to use this power.

That is why, in a few minutes, I shall personally be conducting a special class on defence against the black arts

You will be subjected to tests and experiments. Some will be painful and embarrassing. Others will make you question what you have been doing.

They will enable you to learn how best to fight the many enemies we all confront.

How to avoid wandering into The Mists of Obscurity. Getting lost in The Desert of Vagueness. Sinking in The Swamp of Waffle.

Remember, even the most potent wizarding evil is not as strong as the power of knowledge.

Those who lack it struggle helplessly … falling far too often into the deathly clutches of Voldemort.

Everything I shall tell you is grounded in truth, not fancy.

Watch and listen carefully. See how to choose between right and wrong. Mark what I say.

And take notes! Failure leads to marketing death.

All good stuff, and quite a few people wrote to say they enjoyed it – though whether it made any differrence, I have no idea. The thing is, these talks are no good unless people do something as a result.

That is a very interesting subject I shall return to – with some advice from one of the best people I know on this subject.

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

About the Author

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