And when to keep your trap shut – from this silly motor-mouth
If only I could think of fancy new names for old stuff I would be much richer.
For instance, some bright spark thought up “viral” for good old fashioned word of mouth, and someone else dreamt up “risk reversal” for being as generous as you can with your guarantees.
In 1982 I offered a money back guarantee in my book Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing. In the 31 years since nobody has ever taken me up on it, though God knows how many hundreds of thousands of copies have been sold. The second Bulgarian edition is selling well, by the way.
The best guarantee ever is from L. L. Bean who say that if you’re not satisfied for any reason or no reason at all you can have your money back.
Well, there is a shop called Boulevard in Clifton the posh part of Bristol where I have bought a few things because they have very good taste indeed. I go there about twice a year when they have a sale because I’m cheap and they’re not.
But I doubt if I will ever go there again, because of what happened on Monday when I had a complaint. It was about a very elegant pair of boots I bought a year or so ago which started to fall apart very quickly.
The cobbler round the corner said they were beyond repair so I took them in to complain. The owner. a dapper little chap called Robin Williams, first asked me what the problem was.
Then he said “I don’t deal with that firm any more.” Then he quizzed me about exactly how long I had had the boots. Was I sure it was a year? Not really. Then he asked if I had a receipt. Of course not.
I kept asking what he wanted to do as I was in a hurry – I had a lunch date with a copywriter I wanted to interview.
He asked how much I had paid. I said thought it could have been £60. It could have been more – I wasn’t sure. Then he offered me a £3o credit note, which he drafted by hand. On it he wrote that this was “a goodwill gesture.” Never confuse reluctance with goodwill.
Off I trotted, and phoned my beloved, saying that he had got the worst of both worlds and was an idiot.
Guess what? He was just behind me and I heard this angry Bristolian voice saying “I am not an idiot. I am NOT an idiot. You are a very rude man. A VERY rude man. I am not an idiot. Come in and get your money.”
Well, of course I won’t go in and get my money. And he has lost a customer. A shame, because he really has got good taste.
”
“You are a very rude man. A VERY rude man.”
LOL! That’s priceless Drayton! I almost fell off my chair laughing as I imagined that scene.
Should he have known how much the shoes cost? Yes. Why did he ask you? Because he may have sold them in a sale at a reduced price and that would determine the refund. He should have explained all of that. And a good credit note would have kept you with the store. I find people do that kind of poor service when they are in financial difficulties. Well done with the telephone thing … I will remember that as an indirect way of making a point.
Ha ha. Two days later I went to the shop. Closed down for “renovations”.