Ah, the wonderful world of “chat”! Or rather non chat. And other insights into how not to do business

This evening about 6 a possible client called one of my colleagues. I rang the number given. It didn’t work. That was just the start of well over an hour’s fun and games.

I am a bit of a persistent old sod, so I tried a few times more. Still  no luck.

So I went to the website of the firm my enquirer worked for. A fairly substantial firm. They had several offices. But not one name or picture of an individual anywhere on the site. Just office numbers.

How could I find my man?

Aha! They had something at the bottom of the website: “We’re always happy to help. Contact us!”

I clicked … and it took me back to the list of offices. Nobody human to talk to.

But no!

They had a chat facility.

I went there, and it said: One of our representatives will be with you shortly. You are number 1 in the queue. Your wait time will be approximately 5 minute(s). Thank you for your patience.

After ten minutes I was about to give up, then someone replied.

“Where can I find Mr. X? Which office is in? Do you have his email address?” I asked.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have that information.”

So I said, “If they don’t give you that rather basic information, there’s nothing you can do.”

Then I was asked to say what I thought of the chat service, and was it any help. Very droll.

Then my colleague told me that the man who had contacted us was actually the Managing Director of the whole business.

I wanted to tell the chat people that. So I went back there. This time things looked better.

One of our representatives will be with you shortly. You are number 1 in the queue. Your wait time will be approximately 1 minute(s). Thank you for your patience.

But they weren’t. I ran out of patience after half an hour and gave up.

I was going to complain, but then I saw the procedure.  In the unlikely event of a complaint first try this, then that, then the other and if that doesn’t work do this – and not one person’s name anywhere.

So I realised I would lose the will to live and wrote this instead.

People like to deal with people. It’s as simple as that.

 

 

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

6 Comments

  1. Mike

    They were probably all too busy congratulating each other because they never get any complaints.

  2. A perfect demonstration of why they need your services Drayton! Whether they are smart enough to follow your advice is a different question, of course! I suppose it’s encouraging that the MD rang you…although if the staff don’t know who he is, I guess that says something!

    1. Drayton

      The big giveaway is that they are estate agents. Just one level above politicians

  3. Hi Drayton,

    Organisations who brag about their level of customer service are often hopeless at it. Those who quietly go about their business are often much better at it. A true paradox!

    Keep up the good work!

    Kindest regards,

    Richard

    1. Drayton

      Those people never got back to me, though I did follow up. Estate agents are the worst. We’re being screwed around by two right now

  4. Newdell

    If it’s a substantial firm, it’s going out of biz, so buy their name and make money with it.

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