Yet another parliamentary jape

As all connoisseurs of bureaucratic filth know, the greatest source of public sector masturbation, corporate horseshit and all-round fuckwittery is the jobs section of The Guardian.

Here dedicated reader and marketing maven Rezbi found the following announcement, clearly drafted by somebody who either likes practical jokes or has no sense of irony.

Head of User Experience

* Employer: HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT
* Posted: 20 Aug 2009
* Reference: ADV340228GU11
* Location: Greater London – Central London
* Industry:
o Government – Central government
o IT & telecoms – Internet
* Contract: Permanent
* Hours: Full Time
* Salary: £33,354 – £41,570 per annum

Apply using the following method: Apply

Head of User Experience: This position is for a fixed term period of 12 months with a possibility of extension and/or permanency

Salary: £33,354 – £41,570 per annum

Department: Information Services

The UK Parliament is one of the world’s most famous and important institutions. We are working on a significant redevelopment of our website and intranet, expanding on the features and the services of both. This will enable us better to engage our existing users and reach out to new ones, giving people instant access to easily navigable information and engaging them with Parliament’s work.

The Head of User Experience will lead on the assurance of standards across all parliamentary online channels to deliver high quality products. They will ensure all new content and services comply with best practice and lead on evaluation and analysis of all content and services.

The Head of User Experience will have a track record of delivering usable and accessible online services that meet the needs of the end user. They will know how to evaluate and measure the benefits of online communications and engagement and to continually enhance and improve the user experience.

The successful candidate will be part of a creative and dynamic team, committed to improving Parliament’s online presence. Working with other web specialists in the Web Centre, the successful candidate will also engage with a varied and diverse range of stakeholders right across Parliament.

Essential skills/experience required:

• web expertise especially website management and online engagement

• communicating and influencing

• delivering results

• strategic thinking and planning

• customer focus

• leadership, managing and developing staff

Benefits:

• annual leave starting at 28 days pro rata (increasing to 40 with continuous service)

• choice of defined benefits pension scheme or defined contributions scheme

• interest-free season ticket loan

• child care voucher scheme

• discounted membership of the in-house gym

To access an information pack and application form, please click on the Apply button below

To request a application pack in the post, please write to:

Campaign Management

Hays Public Services

3rd Floor, 1 Southampton Street

London WC2R 0LR.

Or Email: Houseofcommons@hays.com

What kind of person will this carefully aimed message attract?

Somebody a) obsessed with engagement b) too ignorant to know what parliament is – maybe a recent school-leaver with an A grade pass c) too stupid to know that to apply for a job you apply d) who thinks a lousy salary is a fair exchange for lots of holidays and e) imagines a better website will miraculously make parliament look anything other than a giant confidence trick at our expense.

The question is, who among us can possibly possess all those rare qualities and be able to lead, manage and develop staff – rather like growing brussels sprouts, no doubt.

A tricky challenge. Don’t all apply at once.