God, the tears were streaming down my face as I received this heart-rending message. Then I threw up

Well, I’m sitting here in the humid heat of Brooklyn banging out the odd syllable, but here’s something from someone I’ve never met, never spoken to, never bought off.


I just read their stuff because I collect this kind of thing – and some of it’s quite clever. On the other hand. some of it’s utterly nauseating, as you will see.


It reads:

Dear Drayton,


I don’t say it often enough, Drayton — but THANK YOU!


Thank you for the loyalty you’ve shown to my company in general — and to me in particular.


You have no idea how much your friendship means to me. But I have found a way to show you in a very valuable, very practical way.


I must ask you NOT to share this with anybody outside of your immediate family. I’m only doing this for a tiny handful of our very best friends. Telling others will only cause them to be disappointed.


For my entire big idea and all my thoughts about it, please see the entirety of the confidential letter that I have just written to you. I’ve posted it on this hidden page on my website:


Good luck and God bless!


Martin


Well, I must say that brings a new depths of meaning to the word “insincere”. You can imagine how many thousands comprised the handful of friends referred to. I will not swell their number by passing it on to my family who need all the money they can get.

Compared to that mawkish tripe my invitation to a “last minute webinar” is downright stark in its naked appeal to the gullible.

This epic event (with ten attendees at the moment) “Reveals How YOU Can Gain Top Rankings in Google… For Almost Any Niche You Go After And How You Can Earn Hundreds, If Not Thousands A Month In Passive Commissions In Just 45-Days (or Less).

It forgot to mention you can also walk on water, slay dragons, empty bars, rescue virgins and become sought after by desirable members of the opposite sex – or indeed any sex you like

I guess this stuff appeals to some of the idiots out there, which is rather depressing, don’t you think?

I would like to propose the recipe suggested by Charles E Brower, one-time boss of BBDO, and a good copywriter:

“Honesty is not only the best policy. It is rare enough nowadays to make you pleasantly conspicuous.”

About the Author

In 2003, the Chartered Institute of Marketing named Drayton one of 50 living individuals who have shaped today’s marketing.

He has worked in 55 countries with many of the world’s greatest brands. These include American Express, Audi, Bentley, British Airways, Cisco, Columbia Business School, Deutsche Post, Ford, IBM, McKinsey, Mercedes, Microsoft, Nestle, Philips, Procter & Gamble, Toyota, Unilever, Visa and Volkswagen.

Drayton has helped sell everything from Airbus planes to Peppa Pig. His book, Commonsense Direct and Digital Marketing, out in 17 languages, has been the UK’s best seller on the subject every year since 1982. He has also run his own businesses in the U.K., Portugal and Malaysia.

He was a main board member of the Ogilvy Group, a founding member of the Superbrands Organisation, one of the first eight Honorary Fellows of the Institute of Direct Marketing and one of the first three people named to the Hall of Fame of the Direct Marketing Association of India. He has also been given Lifetime Achievement Awards by the Caples Organisation in New York and Early To Rise in Florida.

9 Comments

  1. Damian Thompson

    I know Martin personally, and I can say from the bottom of my black heart that he is the kindest son of a deposed Nigerian king I have ever met.

    Reply
  2. Drayton

    Hilarious!

    Reply
  3. Wavy

    IIRC Clayton Makepeace writes for Weiss.

    Reply
  4. Martin Smith

    Funny I knew Martin as well…..when he worked in MacDonalds and had two other jobs to try and put food on the table for his pregnant wife and their 15 children.
    He owed more than $75,000 on a number of “maxed-out” credit cards and was going nowhere. He worked all night every night at the computer spending more money on his maxed-out credit cards on more training programmes spurred on by the certainty that he would soon be “firing his day-job boss”…….
    His big break came when he stumbled across a number of partying internet marketing “gurus” in a local 5 star Hotel and got talking to one of them who in his drunken state gave him a piece of software to try.
    Once home he excitedly installed the software and “fired it up”. Within minutes, he watched in amazement as his Clickbank account filled with unlimited cash as if being filled from a tap. Cash on demand…anytime anywhere!
    The rest is history………..

    Reply
  5. Drayton

    I know.

    Reply
  6. John Newtson

    But, to be clear, not every piece of copy you see from Weiss is written or approved by Clayton. There are other staff writers & freelancers as well.

    Reply
  7. Drayton

    I would be depressed if he wrote that, John. How are you all?

    Reply
  8. John Newtson

    I’m doing very well Drayton, thanks.  

    Although I’m irritated by your blog posts because they continually
    force me to face the fact I’m too serious, too uptight and wholly lacking in
    charm. 

    Reply
    1. Aaron

      But John, none of which you claim, i.e. being too serious, too uptight and wholly lacking in charm, came across in your Investing Info Summit. The opposite, in fact, was my experience.

      Reply

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